This is buying into the idea of rugged individualism when it comes to parenting. That all a child needs is their parents and that time away from children is a failure of parents. This couldn't be further from the truth. Many studies show that children raised in a cooperative environment where they are exposed to various people and practices from extended family, professionals, teachers, etc help reinforce social connectedness.

Not to mention parents have more to them to simply being parents. Their own desires, wants, and needs. Balancing these with being parents leads to the more fulfillment.

> the kids do get a lot higher quality care from stay at home parents than a daycare can afford

Maybe, but definitely not always. There's a lot of variables with this logic. My wife and I aren't trained early childhood educators. We didn't spend years studying such things, we haven't been doing this for many years, and we aren't always as equipped with things like lesson plans and educational development attainment goals.

Without a doubt, every child is different, different kids grow in their own spurts and what not. But when we took our kids out of daycare for my wife to stay at home and tend to the kids after our youngest was born, we had our oldest remain in twice a week daycare so my wife could spend more time focusing on our infant at the time. His growth trajectory definitely fell. He wasn't able to keep up with a lot of his classmates, even though it had just been a single semester. He wasn't as happy, and his connections with his close friends he had known since he was barely able to walk were clearly fraying despite attempts to schedule as many play dates. Our youngest wasn't progressing as fast as others we knew from the daycare. In the end we put both kids back in full-time once my wife managed to find similar employment again. Once both kids were back in full time, it was almost night and day difference. Our oldest child was noticeably much happier. He quickly caught back up with the class and had those friendships restored. Similar story with our youngest.

We also tend to hang out with a lot of at-home families as well. Most of the kids I know from our school seem significantly ahead in logic and socialization skills compared to most of the kids I know who stay at-home. Not all, for sure, I know a few families who are exceptionally great at being educators for their kids. But I also know many families who try very hard but ultimately aren't that great in comparison. Not everyone is a good teacher, and that's OK.

In the end, we're not as effective of educators for our kids, it's just not what we're necessarily great at doing. So, they spend time with people who are. And we continue to try and do our best with them at home as well with things they aren't taught in school.

There probably are some pretty bad daycares out there, with overworked and burnt-out caretakers. But yeah my friends with kids mostly say the same thing, their kids love it.

For me at least, it's a general dislike of the wider educational system. My parents taught me to read, play chess, multiply, and write in cursive before elementary school. I didn't really learn anything at preschool or kindergarten, and I imagine daycare would be worse for my educational development. Maybe it's useful for social development? but at least for me I was always pretty independent (even in kindergarten) from the other kids. Not in an isolated way, I just preferred doing my own thing.

You can still have quality time with your children AND send them to day care.

It’s not like boarding school where you’d only see them during the holidays ;)

Are you open to the idea that spending every possible moment with your young child may not be the best thing for the kid?

I think it's healthy for parents to have other pursuits. Not everyone is 100% fulfilled hanging out with young children all day, and that's perfectly fine.

Even with daycare, parents are spending a substantial portion of their time with their children.

That’s fair and I’m sure your spouse covers the need for socialization, however these options aren’t available everywhere and not all parents are going to take their kids for these events every day. Having a venue that you don’t need to plan for 5x times a week is always going to be a great default.

My wife and I have no interest in ever having children, yet we are happy to pay property taxes that go to local public schools. Why? Because an educated society is better able to make educated decisions. We are being "penalized" for making the choice to not have kids in order to "subsidize" those who don't.

This exact mindset of minmaxing everything is how the society stops having kids.

Can you spell it out with math?

> every parent is pining to contribute to the churning of capitalism

People don’t want to work because they’re “pining to contribute to the churning of capitalism”. They want to work for income, for career development, or even because they like what they do.

This is such a dismissive way to phrase it that doesn’t even acknowledge why people work. Reducing everything to “capitalism” is missing the point.

I don't think it's quite accurate. Historically, lower-class mothers and a fair chunk of middle class mothers also did some work outside the home: as maids, nannies, teachers, gardeners, etc.

The 1950s USA "golden era" where lower-class mothers could afford to stay home was a statistical anomaly, gifted to this country by virtue of our unique position as the major economic superpower untouched by WWII.