> the kids do get a lot higher quality care from stay at home parents than a daycare can afford

Maybe, but definitely not always. There's a lot of variables with this logic. My wife and I aren't trained early childhood educators. We didn't spend years studying such things, we haven't been doing this for many years, and we aren't always as equipped with things like lesson plans and educational development attainment goals.

Without a doubt, every child is different, different kids grow in their own spurts and what not. But when we took our kids out of daycare for my wife to stay at home and tend to the kids after our youngest was born, we had our oldest remain in twice a week daycare so my wife could spend more time focusing on our infant at the time. His growth trajectory definitely fell. He wasn't able to keep up with a lot of his classmates, even though it had just been a single semester. He wasn't as happy, and his connections with his close friends he had known since he was barely able to walk were clearly fraying despite attempts to schedule as many play dates. Our youngest wasn't progressing as fast as others we knew from the daycare. In the end we put both kids back in full-time once my wife managed to find similar employment again. Once both kids were back in full time, it was almost night and day difference. Our oldest child was noticeably much happier. He quickly caught back up with the class and had those friendships restored. Similar story with our youngest.

We also tend to hang out with a lot of at-home families as well. Most of the kids I know from our school seem significantly ahead in logic and socialization skills compared to most of the kids I know who stay at-home. Not all, for sure, I know a few families who are exceptionally great at being educators for their kids. But I also know many families who try very hard but ultimately aren't that great in comparison. Not everyone is a good teacher, and that's OK.

In the end, we're not as effective of educators for our kids, it's just not what we're necessarily great at doing. So, they spend time with people who are. And we continue to try and do our best with them at home as well with things they aren't taught in school.