If I need anything, I will call for the waiter. I do find it intrusive and patronizing if they come and check if I need anything. I'm not "upset" about it, but it does make my dining experience worse. It also gives me the impression they are trying to get me to free up the table as soon as possible.

Once early in the meal, and once to clear dishes and check for any after-meal orders is fine. But the several interruptions between those two is too much. I'm certainly engaged in conversation, and they're just interrupting it for no good reason.

> The waiter comes by about twice in a visit

That's at least once too often.

While I very much agree with your sentiment and to be honest I prefer dining in the USA, it’s naive to think (in most cases) that they actually care about anything other than getting you out of the restaurant as soon as possible to work a new party.

Of course, there’s a bit of future optimization where they want you as a repeat customer, but that manifests in pretending they don’t want you out, not actually feeling that way. It makes sense - a rational revenue maximizing business does want you out but they need to pretend they don’t. The veneer is thin in many cases (though it varies by establishment). Personally, I’d prefer the incentives aligned with being a bit more straightforward, down to earth and without fake flattery.

I remember I had a meal once as a group of 5 about 10 years ago at a beachfront restaurant in Boca. At this group size a tip of 18% was added by default. Our waiter had been so cloying and over the top, calling us friends, etc. When the bill came and I didn’t tip anything other than 18% the waiter started shouting from across the room and made physical contact with me because he thought I hadn’t tipped. It was really a horrible experience, but very telling.

The dining experiences I’ve had in London vs Barcelona are very different, and both of them are represented in these comments as “European”.

I didn't think of that, probably because when I'm in another country I do my very best to avoid touristy places. I want to experience the country, not the show it puts on for visitors.

It wasn’t about Europe but about the conflation.

with far less cultural differences.

Yes, the dining experience in California and New York is just so, so different. One waiter might call it pop, the other soda, it's like being on a different planet!

It's wild the extents to which Americans overestimate the cultural differences between their states and literal entire countries with actual differences. Scandinavia and the Mediterranean are quite different, Americans speaking in a different accent and maybe being slightly friendlier or not is nothing.

One (more) area where Britain stands apart from the mainland.

Of course you can tip and nobody would refuse one. The difference is tipping is not expected by default and you get same service regardless of your tip. In contrast many years ago a waiter in a NYC restaurant made my then girlfriend crying when the waiter decided that the tip was not big enough. Is this great American service people here keep raving about?

He accepted it because he saw you as an American cash cow.

Obviously you will do as you please, but I wish tourists would try to get with the culture. As a European, one of many reasons I don't tip is that I don't want to encourage a class system where anyone who doesn't pay up is seen (and sees themselves) as stingy.

I have not been in a place in Europe where the tips would be rejected. However, universally they are not the norm or expected.

Also about the $10 - they would need to gather quite a few more dollar notes and spend time finding a cash exchange bureau. Else the note is just a memento of a weird American.

In some EU countries the tips have to be counted as salary and income (+social) tax paid, or even they have to be declared as revenue to the restaurant along with the VAT (19-25%) going straight to the state. Of course, when paid in cash - that rarely happens. The point is that the provision exists in the law (so the tips are not unheard of)

Are you sure that’s not at least in part due to the US being the global currency and business hub, importing a good portion of other places’ wealth?

Although, yes, at times unhealthy amounts of productivity probably also play a role, true that.

Nobody is talking about bad or slow service.

It's just there is a difference between "slow service" and, you know, taking needed time.

Sure, some times it can be slow, at any place or country. But the thing described in the parent comment is just either a hyperbolization (my bet) or some unfortunate coincidence.

I disagree and many trivial numbers are telling the story here, but I'm not going to argue.

In America, waiting for staff to serve you is considered time lost. In Europe it's called European culture.

And if you say you're good, you'll get the check (assuming end of meal). If you don't pay it, they'll come back and ask you if you want something else. If you say no, they'll give you a few minutes and come back. They want you to get the fuck out of there as quickly as posible.

In the average place in most European countries (excluding places with a queue outside or highly sought after reservation only places), nobody would bat an eye if you stay talking an hour after you're done.