Don’t spend time with people you’d rather not spend time with. Gather with friends, eat dinner out, whatever makes you happy if your family isn’t tolerable. No one is going to look out for your happiness except you.

If “the family” is getting together, it is probably for the benefit of a matriarch and/or patriarch on which your very physical existence on this planet depended during your developmental years. Attend for the critical event of the holidays (Thanksgiving dinner, sharing presents for Christmas, Easter dinner for Christians as an example)…it’s literally the least you can do, assuming the logistics work out. Then punt if it’s too much. People change over the years and you may find the family becomes more tolerable as you and they age. You won’t find that out unless you show up every now and then.