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▲ jahnu a day ago

Do you want to socialise more but can’t or are you satisfied with how things are?

▲1270018080 12 hours ago | parent | next [-]

I love not socializing. I've never enjoyed a party in my life, I hate dating, I don't want to lose any time in the day to hanging out with anyone. But what I wonder is if am I fundamentally an antisocial person, or am I a product of my cursed environment and trapped in the momentum of the antisocial tidal wave that has been happening since before I was born?

▲preg_match 11 hours ago | parent | next [-]

I think it’s also a comfort or maybe risk/reward analysis thing.

I think staying at home basically rotting is more comfortable, sure. No judgment here, I’ve done that for months at a time. But the payoff is also… underwhelming. I mean you get basically nothing, just monotony and silence.

The more risky things, like dating or going to a party, are much more uncomfortable. But the potential payoff is a lot more. I mean you can really strike it up with someone, find someone on your wavelength. It can be exciting, exhilarating.

But it lacks the certainty. The reward is higher, but so is the drawback. If I stay inside and do nothing, at least I know the outcome. It’s more enticing in that way. But I also know I won’t make any memories that way. There won’t be some moment or some person I’ll look back on fondly.

▲dkdbejwi383 an hour ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Parties and dates aren't the only ways to socialise. What about sports clubs, art or language classes, board games, a beer or wine tasting club?

▲ 7 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]
[deleted]
▲itake 10 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

I have an abundance of positive social experiences that remind me that the highs are high and the low are low and I just need to push through it to find that next great experience.

I can definitely see how someone who doesn't have many positive reference experiences would prefer to just be alone and avoid the lows all together.

Not that you asked, but I'd encourage you to not define yourself as antisocial. You just haven't found your kin yet, and if you keep looking you can find it.

▲ 11 hours ago | parent | prev [-]
[deleted]
▲0x1ch a day ago | parent | prev [-]

Not really satisfied, but the alternatives seem like an uphill battle for myself. Most of my friends have moved on to their marriages, kids, etc. Certainly entering childless uncle phase of my life.

▲phainopepla2 a day ago | parent | next [-]

You don't have to live this way. To begin with, drinking a six pack at night on a regular basis is absolutely terrible for your health. It disrupts your sleep and so you will always be operating well below what you could be. The social problems are harder to solve because they are society-wide and not individual, but at your age a lot can change, and I think it's really important that you don't start to give up and think of your situation as inevitable, lest you ossify.

Uphill battles are often worth fighting.

▲rrr_oh_man 10 hours ago | parent [-]

> Uphill battles are often worth fighting.

A number of military historians would beg to differ.

▲satellites 17 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

I'm 32 now and met some of my current best friends when I was 26. My parents are 60 and just moved to a new country and within a year they met a dozen new people they now hang out with all the time.

It sounds cliche but it's literally true that there's always time to meet new people no matter what phase of life you're in.

Related: when I was 25 I had a depressive existential crisis and felt like my life was basically over. It's common, and therapy was a lifesaver. If you feel like you might be depressed then talking to someone can really help. Take care of yourself as best you can!

▲stefr- 9 hours ago | parent | next [-]

I feel like I'm in the exact situation now as you were back then. It helps to read it can get better, thank you.

▲ 15 hours ago | parent | prev [-]
[deleted]
▲jahnu 9 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Friend, I'm in my 50s now and I can tell you that you really are only just getting started. I highly recommend finding a new activity or social group and without making massive changes, as those can feel daunting, just make a small change to involve yourself with that. Even just once a month being part of a park run club, or getting to know people in your local art scene, or doing a cooking course, can start you down a path that will enrich your life.

▲Broken_Hippo 3 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

I am the childless aunt. I'm in my late 40s, never desired children, so that won't change.

That said, I met my spouse in my early 30s. Was worth switching countries for and that was 13 years ago. We met playing the same silly text-based MMORPG some years ago. I have never been very social, but not being social doesn't mean that you won't meet people in non-traditional ways.

▲techgnosis 18 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

You're talking like you're old. You are --25-- my friend, young. No reason to resign yourself to the idea that your friends are all too old.

▲hobo123 21 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

The flip side is that you have time for hobbies, regular workouts instead of beer belly dad bod, you can play sports, bike or skateboard (including socializing), play chess, whatever you like, go to concerts, walk around town photographing.

Everything young parents don't have time for or are too tired for.

▲NoPicklez 13 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Mate you are only 25, those people getting married and having kids are doing it early. You have another 10+ years before you could even think about the childless uncle phase as a construct.

▲mihaaly 8 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Relationships don't fall in your lap, you need to work on it. Fail, repeat, maintain. Yes, it is an uphill battle in many cases, for few it never ends well, but many reaches the hilltop. Those not 'fighting' uphill will not get up there, ever.

"Nothing in this world worth having comes easy"

And we always can try finding the gentle slopes, going around on the longer track, less crowded. The journey is what counts not the destination here.

▲esikich 16 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

Bro you're 25. You are in the most social point of your life. Go out and do things instead of making excuses.

▲weird-eye-issue 16 hours ago | parent [-]

Eh, any time of your life can be the most social point. It just depends on what you want and your lifestyle