Just my perspective on this: A PhD student at my university recently died by suicide, and it made me realize that the way most of us cope or escape from difficult situations is shaped by what we consume, what we experience, and what we constantly see others doing.

For most of us, that escape mechanism can be something else instead of taking such a drastic decision. If we can make sure people don’t grow up believing that suicide is even a way to cope with what has happened to them, we could significantly reduce the number of suicides.

We only have one life. There’s no respawn. This world has so much to offer, and once we’re gone, we won’t get to experience any of the good things that are still ahead of us.

So why not keep going?

▲

emerongi a day ago | parent | next [-]

> If we can make sure people don’t grow up believing that suicide is even a way to cope with what has happened to them, we could significantly reduce the number of suicides.

The fact that there is a plan B (suicide) keeps me going.

I was actively (almost daily) considering suicide around ages 13-16. I made a decision to postpone it every day I thought of it because I believed I had seen too little of life by that point to make a decision to end it. But it being available as an option made things easier. There was a “backup plan” and I could always use it, which made it possible to endure another day.

I’m in my 30s today. I have used the same strategy in some other complicated life situations since my teenage years, although only a few times and very briefly. Knowing that you can just end it and that it’s available to you not just today, but also tomorrow and the day after that, is so unbelievably useful in my opinion that I’d personally like to see it normalized, rather than the opposite.

For example, when I was in enormous physical pain, my thinking was: “If there are no other options left, I can always just end it. But there are other options, so let’s try those first.” Reminding myself that I am working on solutions, and that if I run out of them, there is still one final option, took all the edge off the pain. It lost its power over me. I was fully in control of how this issue was going to be resolved. And it takes the edge off suicide itself - it’s just one of the solutions, nothing special. Compared to other solutions it has one terrible drawback: you can’t try any of the other solutions once you’ve tried this one.

	▲	emerongi a day ago \| parent [-]
		To go a bit further, I find it important to discuss suicide rationally, without fear. About half of the reason for wanting to kill myself as a teenager was to escape my situation, but the other half was about this “romantical” idea of others finally seeing how much pain I was in. That it would make them care. They would have to finally admit to the harm their actions have on people around them. As an adult, I recognise that people who don’t care when you’re alive, won’t care when you’re dead. That’s half of the original reason gone. I think there’s some way to communicate this to people who are considering suicide to make it more “rational” and take its power away. Instead of hiding from suicide, clear away the fog around it.

▲

Pannoniae a day ago | parent | prev | next [-]

You're so close to getting it.

If you could somehow shelter people from the idea of ending it, you'd have created the torment nexus. People who do so usually do it because they see negative things coming up and they're too tired to continue. What you're advocating for is everyone to run an endless marathon where if you fall behind or stop, you'd get endlessly whipped to continue no matter how much your wounds are bleeding from it.

▲

Vishal_Max a day ago | parent | next [-]

I think you're misunderstanding what I'm advocating for. I'm not saying people should be forced to run an endless marathon regardless of how badly they're suffering. I'm saying that when someone is suffering that badly, we should help them rather than let suicide become the way they escape from it.

I'm not blaming people for the circumstances they're in or saying their suffering isn't real. I'm questioning the environment that teaches people what to do when they reach that point. Different people go through incredibly difficult situations and develop different ways of coping. My point is that ending your life shouldn't be one of those ways.

If someone is so exhausted that they feel they can't continue, the answer should be to help them, change their circumstances where possible, and help them find another way through it. Otherwise, what is the point of helping someone who is suicidal in the first place?

The goal isn't to force people to keep suffering. The goal is to help them stop suffering without ending their life.

	▲	bilegeek a day ago \| parent \| next [-]
		> we should help them rather than let suicide become the way they escape from it. > the answer should be to help them, change their circumstances where possible, and help them find another way through it. You left that part out originally. You meant it implicitly, so I may seem pedantic, but this kind of thing must be said explicitly. For example: the asylum system. Abolishing it's ubiquity was unarguably good, but then they just... stopped there, leaving many people in the lurch.[1] To paraphrase and oversimplify MLK, "presence of justice is much harder than absence of tension." [1]https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/how-defunding-abusive-in...
	▲	epestr a day ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		I'll go ahead and assume you are from India. While all suicides do carry certain commanalities, the academic ones seem much more Indian. The meritocratic view perpetuated has caused generations of kids who's belief becomes that being academically well-off leads to better life outcomes. The shame, and to a lesser extent guilt, associated with a possibility of not acheiving this goal is often too hard to handle that they give up. 4 kids dead this way last year in my school, 2 more so far.

▲

epestr a day ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Torment run would be becoming a masochist to cope. The comment likely refers to the ability in being able to identify the alternatives, and being flexible.

Torment run would be slogging under the student's adviser, the other option being reporting him, or switching advisers, or any other option life presents.

	▲	Vishal_Max a day ago \| parent [-]
		Yes, you are right. If someone reaches a point where they feel that their situation is so bad that they have to die because of it, then reporting the adviser, switching advisers, escaping to another place, completely starting a new life, or whatever other option life presents could potentially make their life much better, and in some cases even be life-changing. I mean, what worse could happen by trying these options than ending your life? If someone has the courage to make such a drastic decision as ending their life, you could also help them muster the courage to completely restart their life instead.

▲

someguynamedq a day ago | parent | prev [-]

No, and frankly this is a pro-suicidal framework of thinking.

▲

logans_gun a day ago | parent | prev [-]

Good. Your faith will be tested.