A few things (written on my phone, forgive the SEO list):

* One idea per sentence, more than one tends to make massive run-on sentences that go too far.

* Removes irrelevant details. Why does it matter that a Guardian article was the thing that gave the writer the missing link?

Essentially the trick is to take your ideas down to the bare minimum required to express them portably and then write that. It makes things much easier to write (you don't have ans many words to put in the document) and the end result is much easier to read (there's less irrelevant details to scan through).

>> Why does it matter that a Guardian article was the thing that gave the writer the missing link

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but the name of the magazine — and the fact that it is a magazine — matters very much when we are talking about something that is "entering public life".

If the author had read this little tidbit on a "daily dune fan blogpost", he wouldn't have any ground to claim that butlerian jihad is a part of relevant political vocabulary.

>Why does it matter that a Guardian article was the thing that gave the writer the missing link?

Why? Isn't that kind of obvious? He says he fears that it will enter public life as a kind of political vocabulary. It was in the Guardian, read by millions, shaping discourse. It already entered public life at that point. It's relevant.

Sounds very Hemingway.

OP might benefit from using https://hemingwayapp.com/