Tangentially related, but look up relationship anarchy. If we'd demolish outdated "standard" labels of our relationships, and normalize to making connections between any 2+ persons without them needing to feel shame or the pressure of internal/external expectations, we'd be a happier society.

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dbspin 3 hours ago | parent | next [-]

This is a recipe for perhaps the most unhappy society imaginable. Without such outmoded ideas as 'commitment', and 'through thick and thin' relationships become subject to the immediate barometer of personal happiness. In practice this is anything but equitable, freeing and fulfilling. It results in people with perceived high 'value' flitting from relationship to relationship, often several at once. Invariably leaving relationships and abandoning partners when the ordinary vicissitudes of life arise - job loss, ill health, aging, deaths of parents etc.

Real intimacy requires investment. Relationship anarchy, any time I've seen it attested or practiced, faciliates the opposite. It's a fetishisation of alienation. What you're describing as 'pressure of expectations' can be understood very differently, as the expectation of reciprocity. In other words, being able to rely on people - whether as friends or lovers, when things get difficult. Without that, all we have is limerence and capriciousness.

I say all this as someone who's been in non-monogamous relationships of various kinds - from weeks to years. Without the possibility of commitment and the acknowledgement that all relationships are inherently hierarchical, we atomise individual needs and make real enduring connection and community impossible.

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tifik 3 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

How do you address jealousy? Im very much on board with the idea in general, and have given it quite a bit of thought, but I’ve never been fully sold on the idea that jealousy is fully based on social constructs

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swagasaurus-rex an hour ago | parent | next [-]

I find it funny that poly relationships will insist on talking about feelings but get very uncomfortable at any sign of jealousy or attachment.

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designium 3 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

It helps to deconstruct what jealousy is. Is it the fear of losing someone to others? Or is it possessiveness? He or she are mine like property? Or we are simply conditioned to react like that given certain situations that triggers jealousy? I found it’s easier to deal with jealousy once I understood the source of it and treat jealousy like a symptom not the cause.

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tifik 3 hours ago | parent [-]

These are good insights, but I meant how do you adress it within the concept of a non monogamous society.

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trumpdong an hour ago | parent [-]

First you'd have to know what it is that you want to address, right?

	▲	swagasaurus-rex an hour ago \| parent [-]
		How do you address the feeling that the non-committed person you're sleeping with 1) Does not prioritize you 2) Finds somebody they like more than you 3) Not actually happy with you but still uses you 4) Is going to get STDs from other people 5) Will have less and less time for you because of others 6) Believes children can be raised "by a village" instead of their own hard work 7) Wants to involve other people in your life 8) Births a child with somebody else (maybe?) as the parent 9) The mere thought of them with another person grosses you out

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poisonborz 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

I tend to believe self-assured people do not become jealous as they don't terminally depend on a relationship. This of course depends on age, how social someone is or the population size in the area. This is a general human problem, the traditional answer of "ownership" has problems of its own.

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swagasaurus-rex an hour ago | parent | next [-]

People who do not depend on relationships simply don't enter into relationships.

For everybody else, there is the normal and perfectly human feelings of jealousy, attachment, fear or loss, and feeling associated with self-confidence.

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tifik 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

All good points, but this doesnt really answer my question. If we imagine this hypothetical non-monogamous society, with no social constructs incentivizing monogamy, jealousy being in human nature would remain a driver towards monogamy. I imagine historically this is how most religions arrived at propagating monogamy. In christianity and judaism for both genders, or in islam for female monogamy, as jealousy was such a common driver of conflict that may even escalate into wars. Enforcing monogamy as the moral choice has some merit, if it avoids bloodshed, though obviously ideally people capable of being in non-monogamous relationships shouldnt be punished for being in one.

	▲	tifik 2 hours ago \| parent [-]
		Replying to myself in case my point isnt clear - Im postulating that monogamy being some sort of “default” is inevitable, given enough time to evolve, regardless of how you setup the starting parameters.

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AndrewKemendo 3 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

That’s just anarchism

https://davidgraeber.org/articles/are-you-an-anarchist-the-a...

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BoingBoomTschak 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

"Duuude free love lmao"; no need to put psychobabble words on it, you know.