| ▲ | malfist 2 hours ago |
| She despises me for being gay. Not a chance I'm calling her. |
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| ▲ | RF_Enthusiast 2 hours ago | parent | next [-] |
| Not all moms are good people. People with good moms often have trouble understanding or respecting that. |
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| ▲ | dyauspitr 2 hours ago | parent [-] | | Every parent in Asia would despise their son if they were gay. That does not make them bad parents. | | |
| ▲ | pixel_popping an hour ago | parent | next [-] | | Literally it does, "culture" is an excuse to hide some shitty behavior sometimes, many aspects of many culture are pure trash and must change. (I live in Asia). Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture. And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing. | |
| ▲ | smt88 an hour ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | Hating your child for the genes you gave them absolutely makes you a bad parent. | |
| ▲ | Trasmatta an hour ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | This is patently and absurdly false. | |
| ▲ | squigz an hour ago | parent | prev [-] | | Yes it does. |
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| ▲ | AH4oFVbPT4f8 43 minutes ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| I don't know you, but I'm happy that you get to be you. If you wouldn't be friends with your family members, then why would you spend time with them? As far as parents go, they chose to have me, I didn't choose them. Not all people are good, and just because you are related to them doesn't mean it's healthy to have them in your life. Enjoy your day! |
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| ▲ | sgt 2 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| Give her a call regardless. Perhaps that's the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her. |
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| ▲ | Trasmatta an hour ago | parent | next [-] | | Bad advice when you don't know the situation. It's never a child's job to fix an abusive parent. | |
| ▲ | bossyTeacher an hour ago | parent | prev [-] | | > the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her. You clearly didn't read properly. It's the mom the one who doesn't care about her child. Calling her isn't going to change anything. | | |
| ▲ | rationalist an hour ago | parent [-] | | Despising someone for something doesn't automatically mean that person doesn't care about someone. Calling might not change anything, but that doesn't mean that change couldn't happen another way. |
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| ▲ | rationalist 2 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| I'm sorry :-( |
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| ▲ | tempaccountabcd 2 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| [dead] |
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| ▲ | twiclo 2 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| You should call her |
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| ▲ | rationalist 2 hours ago | parent | next [-] | | I contemplating writing a reply suggesting maybe a text or email instead, but I don't know enough about OP's situation so I don't think it's appropriate to give any advice that they didn't ask for. | |
| ▲ | mr-wendel 2 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | Hard disagree. Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds. Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt. -- Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for. | |
| ▲ | tombert an hour ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | I don't mean to be a douche, but that's an exceedingly ignorant and short-sighted statement. A child doesn't owe their parents anything. If your parent is upset about something about you that you cannot change, then that parent can rightfully go fuck themselves. Kids don't owe their parents anything. | | |
| ▲ | pixel_popping an hour ago | parent | next [-] | | I disagree a bit somehow with the statement as it's a bit too generic, in my perspective, I do owe my parents care when they get older (I don't care about laws, talking about morality), I wouldn't send them in a home waiting for them to die, they'll live with me and my wife until they die, I understand that many might disagree with this, and it's fair if you had shit parents, but if you had parents that genuinely cared and done everything for you, I believe you want to also be fair for the sacrifice they've done and take care of them when they are too old to take care of themselves (or if 1 of them die, luckily I have both of my parents still!). Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no. | | |
| ▲ | tombert an hour ago | parent [-] | | You might feel an obligation, but you don't "owe" them anything. It's pedantic but there's a subtle difference. Doing something for someone because you're grateful for them is fine. I like my parents, I might take care of them when they get older, but I'm doing that because I like them. > Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no. Ironically, I think this is too generic. What if your parents were physically or sexually abusive? This isn't hypothetical, there are millions of children that live that reality. Are they "bad kids" because they don't want to help them when they're older? | | |
| ▲ | pixel_popping an hour ago | parent [-] | | Yeah I've put a specific "clause" for shitty parents, shitty parents deserve no support in the end (imo). My main argument is really that in the West, we are going too far away from the grateful mentality and it's scary and even absurd to see the number of parents that die alone (I'm talking about good parents), I find it sad and immoral in many scenarios. I use the word owe because it's a moral code thing, the same way as I owe my wife & children lifetime promises and support (but not obligated right?), it's not something really negotiable in my head and I don't really intend to change it. I vow the same thing for my own children and I hope I'll do genuinely a good job, enough for them to feel that they owe me the support when I'm old. Think about the gift you do to a loving mother to let her die surrounded with her own kids, nothing is more important in life than this in the end, as you get older, no career or money matters, probably only family does (again, talking only about good parents, shitty ones aren't included in this kind of discussion) | | |
| ▲ | tombert an hour ago | parent [-] | | I think it's certainly fine to be grateful for your parents if you like them. I had pretty ok parents so if they need help as they get older I'll probably help where I can. I guess I just get a little annoyed that people act like you are supposed to. I didn't choose to be born, and as far as I am aware neither did the other eight billion on this planet. The parents were the ones who brought the kids into the world. The kids are their responsibility, not the other way around. |
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| ▲ | signatoremo an hour ago | parent | prev [-] | | Kids own their parents their very presence. Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents. | | |
| ▲ | rationalist an hour ago | parent | next [-] | | Do they really owe that? I think owing something should be contractual - they consent to owe something in a fair exchange. A person does not consent to being born. If someone treats you properly (raises you at least somewhat decently), you don't owe them anything, but you should feel an obligation to thank that person whether it's by saying thank you, or helping them later in their life when they need help. | |
| ▲ | tombert an hour ago | parent | prev [-] | | No one asked to be born. People are only born because their parents brought them into existence. |
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| ▲ | Zambyte 2 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | ... why? | |
| ▲ | llbbdd 2 hours ago | parent | prev [-] | | Lol. Call her and put on a heavy lisp |
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| ▲ | bassrattle 2 hours ago | parent | prev [-] |
| She can hate the things you do and still love who you are. Shining your light where it's cold and dark is the only way to make the darkness go away. Hope this helps |
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| ▲ | tombert an hour ago | parent [-] | | My mom is fine, but my grandmother has said exceedingly racist things to my wife and homophobic things to my sister. I haven't talked to her in years and I suspect I will not for the rest of her life. People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option. Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right". People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit. |
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