| ▲ | fragmede 5 hours ago |
| As someone who identifies as autistic, after particularly notable social encounters, I describe them, best I can, to ChatGPT, and damned if the thing doesn't explain why people reacted the way they did so I can do better next time. |
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| ▲ | reactordev 5 hours ago | parent | next [-] |
| As someone who identifies as autistic, I learned to smile and just listen. I’ll ask questions and try and put my little anecdotes in but for the most part I just let other people talk. Works reasonably well. I usually run afoul when the situation is serious and I show up with my smile. |
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| ▲ | bananaflag 5 hours ago | parent | next [-] | | What about when people start making fun of you for being silent? | | |
| ▲ | ashtonshears 5 hours ago | parent [-] | | Given the context of the discussion is about lacking social cues, its not possible to know the social setting to give you specific advice. However, I would suggest considering if the ‘making fun’ is in casual conversation or truly adversary. In casual conversation of someone making jest about your lack of speaking, just smile and say you are having a good time listening and hanging out. If they are actually making fun of you, never associate with those people again, they suck | | |
| ▲ | reactordev an hour ago | parent [-] | | Emphasis on that last part. Hurt people hurt people, don’t let them hurt you too. |
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| ▲ | bityard 4 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] | | As someone who is not autistic, just tends towards very socially awkward, this is what I do as well. Active listening is a skill I developed by accident out of not having much to contribute to most conversations. As time went on, I saw that most people appreciate just being heard and worked on it more deliberately. It's not all puppies and rainbows of course, because some people can't hold a conversation without being led through it by the hand, which is exhausting. And others think everyone else is always so fascinated with what they have to say that they never stop for you to get a word in edgewise. But, active listening accounts for the majority of my social skills, for better or worse. | | | |
| ▲ | gib444 5 hours ago | parent | prev [-] | | But smile in the /correct/ way, else you'll be judged for smiling weirdly. Sigh | | |
| ▲ | reactordev 4 hours ago | parent [-] | | Smile like you just saw a puppy, you’ll be fine. | | |
| ▲ | doubled112 3 hours ago | parent [-] | | Instructions unclear. I don't usually smile at puppies, I point them out to my wife. She does the smiling for us. What if she isn't there? Who will do the smiling? | | |
| ▲ | reactordev 3 hours ago | parent [-] | | What makes you happy when you see it? Imagine that. | | |
| ▲ | balamatom 3 minutes ago | parent [-] | | I don't know about you, but things that make me happy and things that automatically make me bare my teeth at them are not the same things. Deal with it. |
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| ▲ | unsupp0rted 5 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| I've tried this and I'm not sure its explanation is useful. It wasn't there and it only knows what I tell it, so it's missing a lot of context clues. And I'm probably less autistic than the average HNer. |
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| ▲ | 5 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
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| ▲ | coffeebeqn 5 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| I think that’s how everyone learns. Making mistakes and figuring out why that turned out poorly. Some are more innately good at it than others. I’m not particularly but I can learn from mistakes |
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| ▲ | TheOtherHobbes 5 hours ago | parent [-] | | A lot of people assume everyone else has it worked out. But people mostly don't have it all worked out. There are specific demographics who do. Some are naturally gifted at social interactions and/or grew up in environments which taught them how to socialise effectively. Others are charming narcissists - likeable, high status, attractive on the outside, monsters on the inside. They can appear effortless because they don't care about anything except presenting an image, so they get get very skilled at it. Most everyone else has some social anxiety or frustration and makes more or less obvious social mistakes at least occasionally. |
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| ▲ | sublinear 5 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| Self-help, therapy, etc. wouldn't be as big of a business if it was just autistic people doing that. |
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| ▲ | esseph 5 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| This seems like a good way to learn and grow. |
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| ▲ | cubefox 5 hours ago | parent | prev [-] |
| Yeah. In the past I assumed that some people just sometimes randomly behave aggressively towards me for no good reason. But usually the reason is probably that I was unintentionally rude or strange with some sort of nonverbal communication or similar. |
