Everyone says that they value directness, and from what I can tell the vast majority of people actually don't.

For example, I had a job interview a couple years ago where the interviewer showed up fifteen minutes late for a thirty minute interview. Eventually he did show up, and the interview proceeds more or less fine, and near the end he asks if I have any questions. I said "is it common to show up fifteen minutes late for interviews that you schedule? Because it comes off as unprofessional to me".

He started giving me a bunch of excuses about how busy he was and eventually I interject and say "Listen, I don't really care. I'm sure your reasons are valid to you but from my perspective it just looks like you were happy enough to let me waste half the interview just sitting around staring at my watch."

A day later the recruiter tells me that they don't want to move forward. I asked if they gave a reason why and apparently they thought I wasn't a good "culture fit".

I wish I could say I'm above it and that I'm some hyper-stoic who always wants the most direct version of everything, but I'm certainly not immune to wanting some niceties instead of complete blunt directness all the time. I try and be above it, but I'm not.

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tmoertel 3 minutes ago | parent | next [-]

Quick question: When the interviewer arrived late, did he start by apologizing?

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EliRivers 4 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

"Everyone says that they value directness, and from what I can tell the vast majority of people actually don't."

Well sure, of course we do. We (or at least, a lot of the readers of this who live in a US and similar economic and social system) have learned that it is virtuous and correct to say we value directness. But that's where it stops; it's just a thing that is right to say. Part of the current social interaction protocol. It's then widely understood that many interactions should not be hyper-direct.

What you have observed - people saying they value directness and then not exhibiting it - is the expected behaviour. This isn't a bug.

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dwroberts 4 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Calling that out to that persons face, in that moment, is also inappropriate and rude. You can give that feedback some other time.

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userbinator 9 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Presumably the rest of the company operates like that too, so you were indeed not a good culture fit.

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tombert 8 hours ago | parent [-]

I'm not sure that I'm a "culture fit" for most companies. I should probably start buying lottery tickets instead.

	▲	InsideOutSanta 5 hours ago \| parent \| next [-]
		"Culture fit" is an euphemism for "did the interviewer like you?" If most interviewers don't like you, that's something for you to think about. It's not necessarily bad, if you have a very specific personality that most people find disagreeable, then it's a good idea to look out for companies that cater to your personality, and where you will fit in. But it is something to think about.
	▲	rendall 7 hours ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		FWIW if I were the interviewer, I would have green-flagged you as a must hire.

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gib444 8 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Mm they didn't really mean /any/ question, and weren't inviting directness. Just like "hi how are you" from a stranger isn't an invitation to respond that your cat just died and your transmission needs replacing

Of course they didn't want to move forward. That's what you had decided/wanted though right? I can't imagine you hoping for any other outcome with that kind of question and follow up?

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tombert 8 hours ago | parent [-]

> That's what you had decided/wanted though right? I can't imagine you hoping for any other outcome with that kind of question and follow up?

The job paid really well so a small part of me still wanted to move forward, but I will admit I was pretty annoyed.

I should provide a bit of context; the recruiter that the company “valued directness” on their copypasted job description.

Regardless, if you show up late halfway through an interview that you scheduled, you shouldn’t be surprised when people are irritated with you.

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retsibsi 7 hours ago | parent [-]

I'm not going to pretend I'm great at reading social situations, but I think your approach in this story would have annoyed 99% of interviewers, even if they genuinely valued directness. If they'd asked for feedback on the interview process, then sure, they'd be a hypocrite if they claimed to value directness but got mad when you told them honestly that you were bothered by their lateness. But when they ask for questions, they're not inviting criticism, and framing the criticism as a question is always going to come across as passive aggressive. (edit: Or maybe 'snarky' is a better word here, as you did follow it up with a direct criticism, so 'passive aggressive' might not be quite right.)

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tombert 7 hours ago | parent [-]

Being annoyed is fine but I would argue that they should deal with it if they’re going to make me waste half the interview time sitting around.

I’ll admit to a bit of douchiness on my end but I think they should have understood the snarkiness in this situation if they value directness.

	▲	retsibsi 3 hours ago \| parent [-]
		Fair enough. I wasn't there and this probably depends a lot on your tone and general vibe, the dynamic between you and the interviewer up until then, and so on. I do think it's almost always a risky move, but I think I assumed too much and I apologise for that.

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andrewflnr 7 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

A passive-aggressive interview "question" is a hilariously bad example of "directness". Nah dude, you were just a jerk.

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tombert 7 hours ago | parent [-]

Probably. I would argue that showing up extremely late for an interview that you scheduled is considerably more jerk-ish.

It also wasn’t passive aggressive, or at least it wasn’t intended to be. I actually wanted to know if that was just a thing that was common in the company so I could plan accordingly.

	▲	duskdozer 2 hours ago \| parent \| next [-]
		Saying something like "Actually, I felt it was unprofessional and disrespectful to not have the interview start at the agreed-upon time" would also be direct, no? The way it's written sounds way more inflammatory.
	▲	bibabaloo 3 hours ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		Asking that question just signals that you don't obey social cues. Most hiring managers won't like this, as they don't want to be responsible for hiring someone volatile like this. I think the only place you could get away with this is if you're interviewing with a C-Suite member who has nobody to answer to.