Not surprising to me at all. I’m a straight man and I’ve always dated single mothers, and it always shocked me how bad their ex partners were. Woman are drawn to toxic abusers like men are drawn to OnlyFans models and the real victims are the children. And women can be incredibly blind to what is going on with their child when they’re in a codependent relationship with the abuser.

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Tzela an hour ago | parent | next [-]

"women are drawn to toxic abusers" is very, very wrong. It indicates a wish/desire/need to be abused. No, they are not drawn to that. Many abusers know how to look nice and perfect and are great at manipulation. Also, there may just be a lot of bad men in your social peer group.

Don't make it sound like it's the womens fault.

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blell 15 minutes ago | parent | next [-]

It’s called “Hybristophilia” and it’s a well-known phenomenon.

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4gotunameagain an hour ago | parent | prev [-]

It's not very wrong unfortunately. Do you remember back in school that the nice, timid guys were friendzoned but the assholes always had girls after them ?

There must be some evolutionary justification, but we have to live with that unfortunate reality..

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interloxia an hour ago | parent | next [-]

A different explanation that rings true to my experience is that people are drawn to confidence rather than a desire to be abused.

Toxic abusers and high school garbage are good at signalling strength despite their poor character and choices.

	▲	4gotunameagain 14 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		Sure, that also must be a factor. But then again remember the incredible amounts of fan mail serial killers and serial rapists get while in prison. (this is taking it to the extreme of course) It is the same like guys finding toxic sociopaths attractive, against our better judgement.

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Tzela an hour ago | parent | prev | next [-]

No, I do not remember that because I've seen different things. There is a lot of different things going on, like perceived confidence. This is just myth. There is no woman out there who wants to live in fear.

	▲	rnewme an hour ago \| parent \| next [-]
		No one said there were.
	▲	brabel 27 minutes ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		It’s not a myth. What convinced you that there is a myth?? Almost everyone seems to agree it’s a real thing from what I see online. I recommend you watch this video by YouTube channel @Elephantintheroom https://youtu.be/Gvj8hG2UvbA?si=qz_7aC4jYq2CBfJl Apparently it’s much worse than what we see around us. Women literally fall in love with monsters.

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bloppe an hour ago | parent | prev [-]

Just take off those glasses and everyone will realize you're secretly hot

	▲	4gotunameagain an hour ago \| parent [-]
		Oh this is not a spiteful view of the world, I've been quite lucky with my love life, thanks.

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3rodents an hour ago | parent | prev | next [-]

“Woman are drawn to toxic abusers”

That’s not true. Abusers are very capable at identifying and targeting vulnerable people. Abusers are drawn to vulnerable people.

	▲	brigandish an hour ago \| parent [-]
		I seem to remember a test (I believe I read it in the Kevin Dutton book on psychopaths) where psychopaths would be shown a video of people walking down a corridor, and they were more likely to choose vulnerable people than either chance or the norm. Whichever it was, they could spot a vulnerable person just from their manner while they walk. I wouldn't say they were drawn to vulnerable people, though. Like anyone else, they assess opportunity and effort, and these people are easier than others for getting what they want. Edit: I found one of the studies - > Key takeaways > Higher Factor 1 psychopathy scores correlate with improved accuracy in assessing victim vulnerability based on gait. > Inmates with elevated psychopathy scores consciously utilize gait cues to judge vulnerability more frequently. > Psychopathy's Factor 1 traits, like manipulativeness, drive effective victim selection among violent offenders. > Victims often display distinct gait characteristics that predict perceived vulnerability to assault. > Understanding body language cues may inform victimization prevention strategies for at-risk individuals. https://www.academia.edu/22213822/Psychopathy_and_Victim_Sel...

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zahlman 26 minutes ago | parent | prev | next [-]

I think the point OP is making isn't "it's strange that the mother had such a boyfriend", but rather "it's strange that so much forensic effort was required to suspect the boyfriend when he should have been an obvious first guess".

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altmanaltman 2 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

You've always dated single mothers?

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tempaccount5050 2 hours ago | parent [-]

After your late 20s, that's like 90% of your pool.

	▲	4gotunameagain an hour ago \| parent [-]
		Where, in Utah ?