| ▲ | TacticalCoder 6 hours ago |
| Triple-glazed windows do work wonder. I live atm in a modern construction with triple-glazed windows everywhere. Now it's not the city per se, more like the posh suburbs, but it's still an apartment, with neighbors. But you don't hear them, nor do you hear the cars outside. That said TFA's author is a real dick and that is seen in the way he writes. You don't "teach" your neighbors and you don't program them in a pavlovian way. He obviously has got an inferiority complex and he's expressing it by playing though in the way he writes. |
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| ▲ | matheusmoreira 5 hours ago | parent | next [-] |
| > You don't "teach" your neighbors and you don't program them in a pavlovian way. Sure you do. Punishment of bad behavior is a basic social rule. Words were exchanged. All they had to do was listen, understand and stop the bad behavior. Had they done that, things would not have escalated beyond a polite conversation. Unfortunately, people often choose overt disrespect instead. They choose to challenge the other guy to do something about it. If anything they should be glad the punishment was as civilized as this. There are many places in this world where it could easily escalate to actual violence. |
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| ▲ | tolerance 3 hours ago | parent | next [-] | | > If anything they should be glad the punishment was as civilized as this. There are many places in this world where it could easily escalate to actual violence. Agreed. But there’s a reason that guy apparently felt no worries about closing the door in OP’s face. Perhaps the likelihood of it escalating was slim. And there’s a reason why OP didn’t knock again. In the resolution you propose in another comment, deviance doesn’t cease. It transfers to the guy who thinks he can correct people’s behavior with technology. But I need to remind myself where I’m saying this at. | | |
| ▲ | matheusmoreira 2 hours ago | parent [-] | | > Perhaps the likelihood of it escalating was slim. Not as slim as he had hoped. People feel free to close the door on others because they are used to a life without violence. Their implicit thinking is "I'm not even gonna consider what this other person wants because what's he gonna do about it? Nothing." They think there is no way they will be held accountable for their actions. That's magical thinking. People really shouldn't ask that question. There are a lot of things that can be done about virtually any situation. People would do well not to forget that. "What are you going to do about it?" is a challenge. It's refusal to negotiate and a direct challenge to escalate the situation. "If this matters so much to you, then you had better do something about it". Not only does it escalate, it insults the other person. They have no choice but to escalate because the alternative is to be seen as weak which costs respect, especially if the exchange happens in front of peers. > It transfers to the guy who thinks he can correct people’s behavior with technology. Yes. The situation has escalated. The other person can either submit or escalate even further. Perhaps into physical violence. Hope the hacker has a gun and is able and willing to use it. You know. Just in case. Plenty of people out there willing to die over real or perceived slights. | | |
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| ▲ | Tade0 4 hours ago | parent | prev [-] | | Humans are more complex than that. If they become aware that someone is applying such conditioning, they will defy it. For the same reason corporal punishment doesn't work even on an average intelligence child. They quickly figure out that probability of getting punished again is not 100% and even if, that's just cost of doing business - sometimes it's worth it. | | |
| ▲ | matheusmoreira 4 hours ago | parent [-] | | It's not complex at all. It's just violence. People are doing things you don't want them to do, so you do something to make them stop. Pretty standard. If they can muster defiance, it's only because you weren't violent enough. If someone is defiant enough to play probability games with you, just punish them 100% of the time instead, even if they did nothing. He was probably doing it some other time where you didn't catch him, so it's warranted. There's always someone willing to escalate things further. Things will escalate until someone discovers their limits and backs down. Consequences range from being quietly hated, to being ostracized, to being actively fucked with, to being beaten up, to being straight up killed. Smart people don't fuck around and find out. They check their behavior so that they don't step on other people's toes for no reason. Violence very often comes with instructions on how to avoid it. Don't do this, and I won't do that. All they have to do is listen and follow the instructions. The outcome where the obnoxious neighbor learns his lesson and stops his bad behavior is the good ending. The behavior stops, the situation de-escalates and peace is restored. If they keep up their defiance, things will only keep escalating further. Somebody could get hurt. |
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| ▲ | nntwozz 4 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-] |
| I actually had that too, but they don't stop sounds from inside the building like constant bathroom renovations etc. The problem is also that the moment you walk outside you're bombarded with all the sounds of the city. ANC headphones exist but so do air-pollution masks, I don't think that's the way forward or at least that's not how I want to live my life. |
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| ▲ | luckylion 5 hours ago | parent | prev [-] |
| He might have, and my experience is that you cannot teach inconsiderate people, they lack social object permanence: as soon as you don't stand in front of them, they become unaware of your existence and thus are also unaware that their music at two in the morning might be annoying to you. Better windows don't help either - but they're great for noise outside. The only thing that helps against horrible neighbors is moving. If you've never learned that lesson, you've never had horrible neighbors. |
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| ▲ | sysworld 5 hours ago | parent [-] | | "The only thing that helps against horrible neighbors is moving. If you've never learned that lesson, you've never had horrible neighbors." Having lived next to a terrible neighbour for over 20 years, I can confirm a horrible neighbour never changes into a considerate one. And often they're the ones that never sell or move (why would they, they're having a great time..).
Almost all the neighbours properties around here have been sold a few times, but not him. Lucky we've been lucky with our other neighbours who are (currently, and most of the owners of the past too) all very nice people. We'd love to move, but we really like the location, house and garden. That and anything similar is priced out of our range. We used to think we got really lucky with the price of our place, but maybe no one bought it because they knew the neighbour that lived there. But yeah, if you can move, move. Don't hang around hoping things will get better, they usually don't. | | |
| ▲ | Tade0 4 hours ago | parent | next [-] | | There's a guy in my neighborhood driving a 20yo BMW with a modified exhaust. He also has a motorcycle. If I tried to move to a more expensive area, I would have a guy driving a 5yo BMW with a modified exhaust - the building two blocks away is literally that - 40% more expensive, asshole in an M3 flooring it every time he drives out. A friend of mine had a prolonged conflict with a neighbour who lived off of his dad's money and who would pound his Porsche at any time he would feel like it. | | | |
| ▲ | throwaway173738 3 hours ago | parent | prev [-] | | I stood my ground once against an awful neighbor. The neighborhood was a fishbowl and he already had a bad reputation that he wanted to pretend didn’t exist. My spouse and I put up a fence on the property line and nowhere else, which really embarrassed him. And at one point we figured out he was eavesdropping on us. I found out he had a record and so I started talking with my spouse in the room he eavesdropped on about getting a restraining order and about his record. It took about 3 months but he eventually packed up and left. |
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