> I don't think it's condescending to believe a large number of people mostly cannot design their lives. At best they can try to make it better for their children, if at all.

If they have children, barring some violent circumstances, then they've already participated in designing their life.

This is not a binary issue. All of us have choices and make decisions (feeding family, paying rent, not robbing a bank - all of these are choices). Yes, people in privileged positions have a much larger "choice space". And yes, plenty of underprivileged folks simply refuse to pursue the choices they have. Both these things can be true.

But sure - no one is denying that some folks exist who, either due to their own design or otherwise (e.g. health issues), may be stuck and their agency is significantly diminished.

▲

the_af an hour ago | parent [-]

> If they have children, barring some violent circumstances, then they've already participated in designing their life.

This is not the kind of design we're discussing here; "not having children" is usually a privileged, informed decision which most people are not in a position to make. It's certainly very far from "designing your career". Regardless, a lot of people don't have much choice here either, through a system conspiring on denying them choices (see: anti-abortion and anti-sex education lobbies, a health care system that conspires against their free time and energy, etc).

There's an illusion of choice, especially to us pontificating from our privileged lives, but no real choice.

> But sure - no one is denying that some folks exist [...] their agency is significantly diminished.

Most folk, not some.

	▲	BeetleB 40 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		> This is not the kind of design we're discussing here It certainly seems to be. > "not having children" is usually a privileged, informed decision which most people are not in a position to make. As I said - barring some violent circumstances, having a child, or at least the actions leading up to it, is a decision one makes. > It's certainly very far from "designing your career". This thread is not about designing one's career, but designing one's life. See the top level comment. > Regardless, a lot of people don't have much choice here either, through a system conspiring on denying them choices (see: anti-abortion and anti-sex education lobbies, a health care system that conspires against their free time and energy, etc). I've yet to meet someone who is not underage and doesn't understand that having kids is a consequence. Sure, poor education and lack of abortion play a role, but none of that negates the fact that the person had a choice. It's exceptionally insulting to those who made different choices that led to positive outcomes to be told that people just like them in the same circumstances didn't have a choice. Sorry, but your stance is very much coming across as privileged, who is trying to sympathize with people you don't understand. It's a very different perspective when you actually come from the background you're claiming didn't have a choice.