> But that does not feel fruitful either. My everyday life is consumed by the desire of having some kind of impact, making the world better.

It nearly impossible to achieve substantial change alone. The key is to be organized with others, to find a community.

Now, I don't mean joining a political party, especially not at first. That can be important work but also very soul crushing

I am talking grassroots-level, local groups that work on a concrete topic, preferable something that concerns you personally. It is important to get into doing things as quickly as possible, be it organizing a small protest or maybe just a get together.

With this you will gain practically experience and you will find other people that share your goals and with whom you will struggle together.

Now, for the long term, you will also need to actually read political theory, you will have to get organized with people that have a more concrete strategy on how to create change but I generally would urge you to avoid analysis paralysis and focus on gaining practical experience first.

Building community is really the key.

I'm trying to avoid community unfortunately. I was never really accepted anywhere, whether is be online spaces or irl and I am not the person to socialize and do stuff with people. Also don't want to rely on people or having people rely on me.