> If you've got autism and the biggest thing that stands out is the way you walk... I don't think dragging a kid to a doctor to be told they're not normal is really all that beneficial.

There are very strict criteria on how people are to be diagnosed. More importantly you are NOT getting diagnosed if you are just happy and don't need any help.

You can NOT be diagnosed with autism without any support needs.

Same as you can not be diagnosed ADHD if it causes you not trouble at all.

> being labeled as having some sort of neurodivergence and being told they can fix it is surely more damaging than just letting them be a bit strange.

You want to know what going through life without an diagnosis for your neurodivergence looks like?

People hate you. You don't know why but they just do. You are wrong. Everyone else seems to know when to say the right thing at the right time but you don't. You are some weird alien that does not belong. You try to memorize things to say, copy how other people act, it works but the mask often slips. You must be hyper-vigilant in every social situation to not let the real you slip out. It becomes so automatic that you don't even remember who you are anymore. It is exhausting, so exhausting and alienating. You crash and burn from time to time.

Things that are easy for other people. You can't even fold your laundry. You are lazy. If you would just apply yourself, you could do so much. Achieve so much. But you don't. You lack discipline. Everything you try you just give up after a while. You read a bunch of self-help books, you learn you to organize your time, all the tricks but they never work for you. You are a failure.

Not being diagnosed is absolute hell.

Just being able to know why you struggle, to learn coping strategies that work with your brain, to talk with people with the same struggles, to finally find people that understand you, is absolutely life changing.

And no, it is not about fixing people. You can not fix ADHD, people are born with it and that is how they are. It is about them getting the help they need and embracing that people are different.

> I was a quiet kid

Quiet kids can have ADHD

> my parents got calls from a teacher

Teachers don't diagnose children. They don't decide whether you need to get medicated or not.

Furthermore, yes people where probably very ignorant about ADHD in your childhood, we understand it much better now.

> drugged up

That not how ADHD meds work. They can give you the super power to fold your laundry in a single business day, they don't get you high. Some people hate how they feel but for many they work great. Medication is just one option, you can also learn better coping skills through therapy or coaching.

> It feels rational to me

As someone who was diagnosed late, it seems more like ignorance to me.

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hirvi74 an hour ago | parent | next [-]

> "Everyone else seems to know when to say the right thing at the right time but you don't. You are some weird alien that does not belong. You try to memorize things to say, copy how other people act, it works but the mask often slips. You must be hyper-vigilant in every social situation to not let the real you slip out. It becomes so automatic that you don't even remember who you are anymore. It is exhausting, so exhausting and alienating. You crash and burn from time to time."

This is more of an Autism issue, no? I have ADHD, and this could not be further from the truth for me. I am not well-versed in Autism symptoms nor its various presentations, but I tend to excel in most social situations. I'm in my 30s with golden retriever levels of hyperactivity. Though, difficult to contain at times, I often think people are somewhat attracted to my high-energy presentation. I have no evidence to back up my claim, but I am inclined to believe the more ADHD-PI people suffer from those issues rather than the ADHD-C/-PH folks do.

> They can give you the super power to fold your laundry in a single business day, they don't get you high.

Stimulant medication can and absolutely get many people with ADHD high. Now, I am not saying everyone taking their prescribed medication as directed automatically gets high, but I believe there is a lot more abuse/misuse than doctors and researchers might be able to conclude.

> Medication is just one option, you can also learn better coping skills through therapy or coaching.

Everyone is different, but the data surrounding therapy and coaching for ADHD without medication does not really instill confidence in me. For brevity sake, I'll spare you all my opinions on/experiences with therapy.

I've medicated for a decade, and it's better than nothing, but it ain't far off from nothing, in my experiences. Though, I think I am just a poor-responder to medication, which sucks because I am basically fucked in terms of help.

	▲	cardanome 22 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		> This is more of an Autism issue, no? Yeah, first paragraph was more autism, the other more ADHD. Personally, ADHD helps me make friends but also makes me not that great at keeping them. People for sure can experience some social difficulty because of ADHD. Pure impulse control and high energy can also be regarded quite negatively. But in the right context people with ADHD can indeed shine socially. > Everyone is different, but the data surrounding therapy and coaching for ADHD without medication does not really instill confidence in me. Yes, good therapists are hard to find so I am not surprised you had bad experiences. I did not really have much luck myself but still generally urge people to give them a shot. Personally, coaching was a game changer for me. It is not the same as therapy. The main point is you are talking through your problems with someone who has ADHD themselves. They know what it is to have ADHD, they have coached countless people with ADHD. They know what works and what does not. They help you setting realistic and measurable goals and guide you towards reaching them. It is much more outcome and solution focused which can appeal to people more critical towards traditional therapy. Though coaching is also much less regulated so one also needs to careful to find someone decent. If you haven't tried, you might want to give it a shot. Anyway, I hope you find something that helps you.

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thewebguyd 5 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

I said in an earlier comment that the general population doesn't understand the special hell that being ADHD is when it comes to just trying to function in society, and I have to say I don't think I've ever seen it explained so clearly to the point where I felt like you were describing my life.

Thank you for sharing.

	▲	hirvi74 an hour ago \| parent [-]
		To piggyback on the sentiment a bit -- I think the hardest part about ADHD, at least in my opinion, is that it is one of the handful of disorders in which much of the difficultly and misery originates from outside of the afflicted individual. In other words, ADHD does not really cause me any direct misery, but rather, my ADHD makes others people miserable, and how I am treated because of that is the source of my misery. Honestly, it sometimes feels as if ADHD is just society's way of saying that I am too annoying, unreliable, and unfit to be a part of them, therefore there is something inherently dysfunctional with me. Seriously, if I talk too much, who is more negatively affected, others or myself? If I need more time to complete work than others, then who is more negatively affected, my employer or me? Who is more negatively affected by my fidgeting, others or myself?

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forgotoldacc 14 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

I hear this a lot but also know a lot of people who were put on meds when they were young and didn't really understand what was going on.

I also have an adult friend put on an antipsychotic to treat their moderate depression. They went through horrifying side effects while doctors kept telling them to stick with it. They're going through even more horrifying side effects during the third week of their withdrawal.

There are no strict criteria. Some people need it. A lot of people don't. It's really no different from the opioid crisis America has, where many doctors hand stuff out like candy because, honestly, who cares? Not their problem. But it's a nice paycheck.

And the constant downplaying and dismissiveness of it all, with many people who have personal experience saying things are over-prescribed as well as studies showing such[1][2], while also saying things are massively under-dosed, really does not help the image of the psychiatric drug industry trying to find a solution to any divergence being a pill.

It's fine if you have actual struggles in life and need help and medicine helps you. It's good, actually. But if we're at a point where we're nitpicking and saying, "Your kid walks on their toes. That's bad. Let's get them diagnosed. Then get some meds", yeah, it's horrifying and absolutely indefensible.

And yes. Putting a 10 year old on a prescription drug that makes them sit and fold laundry all day very much fits the definition 99% of people would consider "drugged up." 10 year olds have periods of being little shits. If they're folding laundry all day, and you're giving them medication that makes them do so, you are very much drugging them up. And yes. Teachers did proactively call parents and try to get kids (mostly boys) medicated in the 90s. It was so wild that even South Park had an episode about it. It's unfortunate because people with legitimate issues do get caught up in it and have their issues dismissed. But then children who have no problems are also victimized by being forced to take drugs that make them fold laundry and quit being a kid.

[1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11107288/

[2] https://www.rutgers.edu/news/risky-combos-psychiatric-drugs-...

	▲	dns_snek 12 hours ago \| parent \| next [-]
		Neither [1] nor [2] are studies showing that ADHD medication is over-prescribed. [1] isn't a study, it's a glorified blog post. [2] is a study that looked into the rate at which contraindicated medications are prescribed (6%). Prescribing contraindicated medication is a reason to be cautious and weigh the risks against the benefits. It does not indicate that the combination is unwarranted. > But if we're at a point where we're nitpicking and saying, "Your kid walks on their toes. That's bad. Let's get them diagnosed. Then get some meds", yeah, it's horrifying and absolutely indefensible. Nobody is diagnosing anyone with autism based on how they walk, but it might be a sign to seek an evaluation, usually when it's accompanied by other symptoms. Furthermore there's no medication for autism.
	▲	cardanome 12 hours ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		> to treat their moderate depression. I criticized depression being too easily diagnosed myself in the post above. Autism and ADHD are clearly underdiagnosed. I have posted some sources here: https://news.ycombinator.com/threads?id=cardanome#44586532 Maybe depression meds are given too easily. Not my area of expertise. Might also specific to the US. Getting medication here in Germany seems to be much harder. However, this has NOTHING to do with autism and ADHD diagnosis. It does not mean that ADHD meds are given too easily. They are a completely different thing. > But if we're at a point where we're nitpicking and saying, "Your kid walks on their toes. That's bad. Let's get them diagnosed. Then get some meds", yeah, it's horrifying and absolutely indefensible. That is not what is happening. That is pure fearmongering. First of all there is no medication for autism. Second of all, no nobody get diagnosed for walking funny. That is not how any of this works. I repeat, they are not getting medicated because medication for autism does not exist and probably can't even exist. And even for ADHD, meds are one option. You don't have to take them. They work exceptionally well for some people but not at all for others. Again, there is therapy and coaching. > hat makes them sit and fold laundry all day This is not how this works. The meds help with executive dysfunction. It when you want to do a thing, know how to do a thing, it is important to do it but you can't do it because your brain just doesn't cooperate. Medication helps you do the things you want to do. If you want to play video games all day, you will play video games all day, with or without medication. Simplified, people with ADHD have lower levels of dopamine. So they are constantly understimulated. Boring tasks hurt to do. Medication helps to get their dopamine level up so they can have the same level of stimulation as a neurotypical person that watches paint dry. They don't get you high, they get you from deficit to base level. And again > in the 90s We were ignorant of many things in the 90s. I don't want to invalidate your experience, surly these problems did exist, I am just saying that you childhood experiences might not be representative for the world in 2025.