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Well put. I'm an introvert, I can't do math, I won't travel, etc. are all things that some people claim as if it's the unchangeable nature of things. If that's their chosen path, so be it. But they should understand it will probably be pretty limiting because the world they live in.

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apwell23 2 days ago | parent [-]

Yes they are unchangeable. I've tried many many times to break out of it; it works for a while but i revert back to my base behavior.

We know what kinds of temperament a dog has within few months of it being a puppy ( and who the puppy's parents are). Why would it be different for humans.

Claim that Our temperaments ( and our likes/dislikes for travel) are all learnt is a bizzare blank slate claim that doesn't track with my life experience and what i've seen in the world.

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drdaeman 2 days ago | parent | next [-]

> Why would it be different for humans.

Because animals typically live in a way more static and uneventful environments, and they have much more limited mental capabilities?

Humans (and other animals) aren't a completely black slate - but unlike most animals, humans have very complex societies that affect their behaviors throughout their entire lives. A few years in a different environment start to change people. Kids (with their still-growing brains) adapt faster, adults - not so much, but the traces will be evident. Move a not-too-fucked-up Russian to the Pacific Northwest, and they will eventually start to smile now and then.

Also, thanks to the language, humans can think things up even when alone, drive themselves crazy in all the weird ways, then overcome all that self-inflicted stress and possibly develop some behaviors as a result.

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apwell23 a day ago | parent [-]

base temperament is irrelevant then?

My shy cat could've been a party animal like her sister :)

	▲	drdaeman a day ago \| parent [-]
		Of course it's relevant, by definition of "temperament". The question is how much of our (very complex) behavior is biologically based and independent of learning. For a cat, it probably plays a significant role. Cat behaviors are complex but still much more simpler than humans. And changes are rare. Although I've heard of a "lazy" apathetic cat moving into a house with giant outdoor catio and becoming drastically more active, almost like a different kitty. I'm not sure about humans - how much of our behavior is a true temperament and how much isn't despite tending to not change throughout one's life. I've seen introverts becoming eager activists after they went through some bad things, like war and prison. I've seen people who were jumpy and always nervous becoming relaxed after many years in safety.

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scarface_74 2 days ago | parent | prev [-]

I hated small talk traditionally. It was very much a learned trait. One of the best conversation openers is “what keeps you busy?” and then ask open ended questions.

Ask about their favorite travel destinations or even what are some interesting things about where they live.

On the other hand, step outside your comfort zone and try something different so you have something to talk about interesting.

https://tynan.com/letstalk/

You didn’t become a software developer overnight. You won’t become a great conversationalist over night either.

“How to Talk to Anyone”

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships...

(not an affiliate link)

	▲	ghaff 2 days ago \| parent [-]
		People can certainly decide that certain activities aren't their thing. I don't want to push to give presentations at international events is certainly a valid decision for any of a number of reasons. So is preferring to spend more time on coding than managing/mentoring/etc. But it all has consequences and some branches will lead to more promotions/money/etc. than others. And you may be perfectly fine with that. But go into with eyes wide open.