Don't assume how other people structure their relationships, don't project your values onto them. Not everyone sees things through the lens of ego, ownership and male dominance.

Not everyone has to live their life the way you see fit. I've given you an explanation of why some people structure their relationship that way, why are you reacting so defensively? Does what other adults consent to make you feel threatened? Why?

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disiplus a day ago | parent [-]

Because this is stupid. Idk where you are, but I can say that in the circles I'm in, and this spans multiple European countries, fucking around ends up in divorces when the other Partner finds out. I'm old enough to have kids and saw it and talked with other in those situations. You could be talking about some small subset of people and thats ok. But don't pretend this is somehow spread out. I saw multiple divorces, and only one where the wife staid and it was mostly because it was in the height of economic depression and she was stay at home mom. I don't care for internet points here and down votes. I would like to you to try to present your point to your wife or anybody in your circles and give me an answer.

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Fargren a day ago | parent | next [-]

Most relationships are as you describe. Many relationships aren't(I don't know the numbers, but I would guess somewhere between 1% to 10%, either of which I would qualify as many).

It's also extremely different to agree that some amount of extra-marital sex is OK, to being cheated on without being aware. The betrayal of trust is to me the main problem with cheaters.

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vrganj a day ago | parent | prev [-]

>fucking around ends up in divorces when the other Partner finds out.

I don't think you've fully absorbed the point I've made. I agree with your sentence here - but I'd argue that it is a symptom of a societal construct that is counter to our biological reality which one can fix by making it so there's nothing to be found out. If you discuss rules and boundaries beforehand like emotionally mature adults, there's no element of betrayal or breach of trust.

> I would like to you to try to present your point to your wife.

I've been in my current relationship for close to two decades. Not a wife, because we like the idea of being with a person that chooses to be with one every day by their own volition, not by some legal contract rooted in patriarchal control.

While we're currently monogamous, we've went through several phases where we invited other partners into the fold, with the consent of everybody involved. Some of those were even longer-term, multi-year repeat encounters. At no point did it diminish my love for her or hers for me. To the contrary, it's made us appreciate each other more and shown us that our relationship is strong enough to prioritize each other's well-being over our jealous need for control.

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sarchertech a day ago | parent [-]

> prioritize each other's well-being over our selfish egos

The desire to sleep around is obviously a desire to feed your own selfish ego.

This is where I have a problem when people try to defend this. If you’re honest that you like to sleep around and you found a partner that likes to sleep around, fine.

But the I have evolved beyond the quaint social mores of the unenlightened bit is silly.

	▲	vrganj a day ago \| parent [-]
		Yeah, I edited because I realized it could come across more confrontational than I intended. That being said, it is - whether we like it or not - an observed biological mechanism that humans, like a lot of other species, like to sleep around and that they are attracted to new sexual partners after being with the same one for a long time. [0] Once we accept that, the question becomes one of management. Do we use our free will to override these urges to fit social norms better or or do we instead trust each other to uncouple the biology from the emotional bond? Different couples might come to different conclusions at different times, but they are both not without risks and both require thoughtful compromise and communication. The superiority is not towards people in monogamous relationships - that's how ours is structured right now too! It is towards people that use language like "cuck", that implies somebody's worth is defined by their monogamy, language that brings all sorts of weird vibes of male ownership of female bodies and a lessening of men who do not subscribe to such views. There's nothing wrong with either monogamy or ethical non-monogamy, just do what works for you and your partner and don't be a dick about it! [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect