> mind sharing what tolerable alternatives are there to GitHub and GitLab?

Not the op, and while your criticism of their negativity may be somewhat justified, the ask is kind of silly. There are a bunch of well known alternatives:

Self-hosted free software:

Gerrit <https://www.gerritcodereview.com> Phorge <https://we.phorge.it>

SaaSsy:

Codeberg <https://codeberg.org> SourceHut <https://sr.ht/>

There are a lot more, of course, these are just the ones I have experience with.