> obsessing over what words to use will just make you more anxious and worried

It is not exact words to memorize. It is about what attitude you bring to your child.

If you really try to understand the toddler's sadness, you would realize that something important to her has been lost and instead of disregarding it as unimportant (for an adult), you would help her to find, make her understand her emotions etc. This is more about being empathetic and not about the right words to use. In case of psychologists, they are giving example phrases - doesn't have to be exact as long as the spirit of those phrases are maintained.

Obviously being as asshole doesn't help, but most of the times children of assholes tend to be assholes due to the same reasons.