I think the thing people miss is that American friendliness is a bit fake, just not malicious. It's built on our pastoral history, but has evolved into a way to smooth down the sharp edges of a very competitive society - especially when that pastoral mindset ran headlong into the immigration that made contemporary America what it is.

▲

mncharity a day ago | parent | next [-]

> American friendliness

I'm hesitant to move further from TFA, but a brief one-shot: Among Boston people who returned after "trying" SV/SF/California, I repeatedly heard of struggling, amidst an unfamiliar ambient "friendliness" culture, to recognize social signals around "actual" friendship - was someone "really" interested in becoming friends, or were they merely performing "friendly". AI tells me this is called peach vs coconut, nice vs kind, guess vs ask cultures.

Similarly, someone (with no family connection to China) learned Chinese, later married into a family from/in China, and would describe "Chinese" culture. Someone else from China glossed their insights with a dismissive 'their friends are criminals [sic], and they're over generalizing from that subculture'.

So amidst country-level cultural themes, and regional variations, and generational differences (and gender, hukou, ethnicity, etc), and subcultural diversity, it's sometimes a challenge to tell what is which.

▲

eli_gottlieb a day ago | parent [-]

> I'm hesitant to move further from TFA, but a brief one-shot: Among Boston people who returned after "trying" SV/SF/California, I repeatedly heard of struggling, amidst an unfamiliar ambient "friendliness" culture, to recognize social signals around "actual" friendship - was someone "really" interested in becoming friends, or were they merely performing "friendly". AI tells me this is called peach vs coconut, nice vs kind, guess vs ask cultures.

My experience is that everyone from outside the Northeast thinks those of us from the Northeast are assholes, and we think they're all two-faced sociopaths.

	▲	fragmede a day ago \| parent [-]
		I mean there's a reason for the term Masshole, having lived there for several years, but at the same time, it's just a stereotype.

▲

0xDEAFBEAD a day ago | parent | prev | next [-]

Most users on /r/AskAnAmerican don't seem to consider American friendliness fake:

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/ehe25w/why_a...

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/1k7sfbv/so_w...

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/1nq71lc/why_...

	▲	janalsncm a day ago \| parent [-]
		The US is a big place. There isn’t one “American culture”. If someone in one part of the country says we should get drinks sometime they’re just saying a nice thing. In another part of the country, that means “this weekend”.

▲

bad_haircut72 a day ago | parent | prev | next [-]

In a cowboy society where everyone is armed, it pays to be polite.

	▲	hollerith 7 hours ago \| parent \| next [-]
		I don't think that's it. If my main consideration in an interaction with a stranger is to avoid its escalating to violence, I'm going to be polite, but I'm going to be a bit reserved, not enthusiastic or friendly. In these discussions, non-Americans often describe Americans as always happy, which is another quality I'm going to tend to avoid showing in the hypothetical interaction with the stranger because if he is feeling bitter or resentful, my being happy might set him off.
	▲	a day ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		[deleted]

▲

orwin a day ago | parent | prev [-]

Yeah, i totally get that, it's absolutely not malicious, i'm not sure it's even fake, maybe only a bit exagerated. But for an unaware person, it _feels_ that way, and i guess when American visit France or the netherlands, or, to go back to the subject, China, our reactions must feel weird.

That was jut to tell the author that i think he misread how Chineese are on this specific point. It wasn't a criticism of North Americans at all. Really, i think this is charming now (as long as we don't work together, then i will find this infuriating and bitch about it to my SO)