It easily took over 15 minutes of it being down for it to even register on the status page. The status page showed fake green for this long. This is as verified by myself and by many users on Reddit r/codex who have timed posts and comments. It is a scam.

If Reddit is more useful than a status page, then what good is a status page? A lie is a lie. 15 minutes can cause someone to reinstall their entire software stack as is documented on this page. For the sites I administer, I have immediate reporting, and I have never had a false alert.

Sounds like you've never worked in Ops. Having immediate triggers for outages will absolutely flood you with useless alerts. 15 minutes is pretty normal before alerting as there are a zillion unsolvable intermittent issues (and non issues) that can cause a loss of connection to things.