1) get local model to run on the electrical output of a potato 2) accept Nobel price

You didn't specify time frames; 1) is doable for a very short time, with a lot of coulomb caching in between the computer and the potato :).

(For more realistic solution, surely someone must be working on optronics - these models just beg to have their weights cleverly etched into stacked sheets of plastic, so they can do inference for free on a beam of light.)