What makes an action ‘authentic’? The parts of you that “mask”, “cheat”, or “lie” are also “authentic you”. This new age talk of Authenticity carries within a narcissistic danger of rejecting some parts of yourself (strategies of survival) and trying to get rid of them instead of transforming, growth, expansion. To believe we can ever act without consideration of our environment, and we just ‘need to become more authentic’, is similarly wrong and will lead to “suffering”.

Secondly, and even more dangerous, is to assume you had an identity in the first place. What the author probably mistakes for his identity is an image molded into him by parents, early circumstances, and societal norms and rules at the time. A “violation” of these internalized rules later in life can feel life-threatening, or wrong, and invoke shame, because in early age, belonging was strictly necessary for survival. Later in life, that limits your options, but has nothing to do with “who you are”. You create who you are, moment to moment.

Consider an inquiry when you think “that was not authentic” (by yourself or other). What kind of internalized rules does it touch? Do you actually still consider these rules to be correct and useful today?

The past can and will haunt you, but it’s not real. It’s ghosts. You need to decide how to deal with them. But “lack of authenticity” is not it.

You are the ongoing creator of your identity. And you still want to belong. But maybe not to the church of your upbringing. You’re free to burn it down any time.