Hey mate, I'm glad you could write this, hopefully the few messages of support you got help.

If I had one advice, it would be to find someone who relates to how you feel, because being able to talk about it to someone who's been/is there is the one thing that really helps, in my experience. I don't know where, a friend, a suicide support group, a men's group, but being able to talk about these feelings and be really understood does help.

In the meantime, try just to be around people when it's hardest.

Sorry to not have anything better to offer. Hope you keep going, brother.