Why doesn't Ubuntu fit the bill? You can even install hombrew on it. Everything works like a mac with no fuss.

Also the only reason I left Linux was due to hardware. Ubuntu was convenient enough.

There's no reason to use homebrew on Linux. Your package manager is better in every respect.

Just don't.

Homebrew is like giving a bunch of wikipedia randos remote shell access to your computer. There is no enforced code review policy. Any maintainer can make a commit under a pseudonym and merge their own code to main without review.

Homebrew should not be allowed near any machine you need to be able to trust.