I hope to have my first child soon; I am fucking terrified.

I can understand that, but a few things that are reassuring.

Screen time is not that new a problem. Kids have been put in front of the TV since the 70s or 80s. When my older daughter was born two decades ago people said we could not do without the "electronic babysitter". We did not. I have never owned a TV in my adult life and I think it was very good with my kids (who are now adults).

Are you forced to let young kids use screens and can you control how? My kids had desktop computers in family areas to start with (and not at the age of one!), educational software (GCompris for example). Later they got ebook readers and non-smart phones, and smart phones (with rules about usage and what apps could be installed) later.

A lot of the issues are parents who cannot put their devices down. You do not need to keep your kids entertained as much if you interact with them. For example, if the adults sitting down to a meal are on their phones, they they need something to keep the kids quiet. if you talk to them, you do not. It also means you can teach them how to behave in places like restaurants.

I think the root problem is not the kids, its adults' addictions to devices leading them to neglect kids.

▲

jraby3 8 hours ago | parent | next [-]

This is only partially true. We depressingly agreed to get my daughter a phone for her 8th birthday.

She's the last person in her class to have one. That means when we drop her off at a birthday, she's the one playing with a fake phone while all the other kids have real ones. She's the one at the end of the school day begging to use her friend's phone.

Social pressure matters and making your kid the odd one out sucks.

Obviously we will put strict limits on it but I honestly felt like I was stuck with two awful choices.

▲

graemep 7 hours ago | parent | next [-]

That is a real problem, but at least you were able to keep her off one until eight and I think that helps a lot - younger is far worse.

My kids are older (so the pressure was less a few years ago), and home education helped a bit (less school pressure, lots of parents with different rules to each other) but eventually I had to allow usage of of some things I was not happy with because that was where her friends were and how they arranged to meet up etc.

There are practical advantages to being able to communicate, especially when out alone and needing to be picked up or something. A dumb phone will do that perfectly well, of course.

Schools in the UK are banning (and state schools have to) the use of phones during school hours. The problem is that there is increasing need to use phones out of school. My daughter (when she went to sixth form college for A levels) needed a mobile app to use monthly bus tickets which were much cheaper, for example, and this sort of thing is getting worse.

▲

dzhiurgis 7 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

> She's the last person in her class to have one.

Wow that's insane. I assumed kids get phones well after 10 and even then it's crazy. IMO good guideline is when they start to roam a bit on themselves, i.e. going to clubs, mates, I guess around 12?

▲

gpbeanies 7 hours ago | parent [-]

My kids are begging me for phones and they are 8 and 10, I'm trying to hold out a few more years if i can, but once I get one for the older brother it's pretty much over. I think a smart watch is reasonable at first at least to get a gps tracker going, and they can still use it to text home if needed.

	▲	tomrod 7 hours ago \| parent \| next [-]
		Mine begged for them at that age. We did burner flip phone in 6th grade and, towards end of 8th when they had shown they didn't lose them and didn't treat them as status icons, we would get something more reasonable and open. We never did lifetracker nor GPS tracking for a mix of practical (battery drain) and teaching (teach resilience) reasons. Out kids are spread out in ages. They protested at first but we also remind them that older kids also have more chores and they will get their chance. Working so far.
	▲	dzhiurgis 7 hours ago \| parent \| prev [-]
		Yea my kids span from 1 to 7, so it's too slippery slope. Even smart watch probably is too. And we living in tightly knit community so there isn't even a reason for them to be monitored so closely.

▲

red-iron-pine 4 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

> A lot of the issues are parents who cannot put their devices down

this has been my experience. lot of parents who reflexively go to the phone -- they need their dopamine hit, and this means the kiddies get one too

▲

danparsonson 9 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

> adults' addictions to devices leading them to neglect kids

I suspected also that kids in such situations are learning by example, so it's a double whammy of neglect and bad habits

▲

Markoff 7 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

> Screen time is not that new a problem. Kids have been put in front of the TV since the 70s or 80s.

apples and oranges, kids in 70s and 80s had this TV everywhere they moved? in car, public transprot, in playground, everywhere? completely different thing from screen always available in your pocket

▲

tomrod 7 hours ago | parent | prev | next [-]

I remember that time. A mix of concerns over financial security, what kind of parent I'd be, and what I would do in the alone times where help isn't available and it all came down to me. We were young college kids in love and scared out of our minds.

19 years later, the adventure continues. Becoming what you think is an adult, what I would say is someone who knows what to do in scary moments as well as someone who can plan ahead and execute that plan, is always a work in progress. No one will ever know your kid during their childhood better than you. Treat advice, including this advice, like its a jacket to try on. Maybe it fits and you like it. Maybe not. You're under no obligation to accept it.

You got this!

	▲	eleventen an hour ago \| parent [-]
		I came back to this thread today. Thank you for the kind words, this was lovely to read.

▲

31 minutes ago | parent | prev | next [-]

[deleted]

▲

basch 4 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

When you do introduce some video, which is easy to slip into around 18 months, there is tons of good stuff.

Stillwater, Shape Island, Slumberkins, Interrupting Chicken, Not a Box, Duck and Goose, Frog and Toad, Get Rolling with Otis and Snoopy are all on Apple TV.

Tumble Leaf, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, Creative Galaxy, Stinky and Dirty, Fireman Sam Classic are on Prime.

PBS still exists for now.

Caitie's Classroom / Super Simple is on Youtube, Prime, and Spotify.

▲

eleventen an hour ago | parent [-]

Thanks for taking the time to leave this comment. Bookmarked your message for… much later.

	▲	basch an hour ago \| parent [-]
		Stillwater you can probably start at birth, if you need something to put you to sleep, which you will. Kiddo can listen without watching.