> people constantly self-diagnosing

Is this actually happening widely, or just in some spaces and it blows it out of proportions?

> constantly seeking to remind both yourself and society of your neurodivergency and any shortcomings you have with that seems almost like a crab bucket mentality

Is this what's happening or what you believe is happening? To me, it however looks like much more people are getting the help and support they need for this, compared to when I was a teenager. To me it's not learned helplessness or what it is you're trying to describe, but learning how to navigate society, and society being more aware of other's struggles. In the same vein that learning about structural racism isn't about disparaging people, but lifting everyone.

"Shortcomings" may even be the wrong word, as for many it's just different, not worse or better. Hence educating people like you is good.