I agree with the sentiment.

But,

Whenever I catch myself reaching for “but” I recognize it is because I need to feel heard. What I did was unacceptable. But I didn’t do it in a vacuum and I need my grievances to be recognized. My belief is that omitting the “but” phrase is an act of faith. You need to trust that the other party cares about your feelings and side of the issue, too. Accepting an apology is just as delicate an act as giving one.

“I’m sorry I hit you with the blue shell.”

“I appreciate you saying that. I know you were in last place and that must have felt awful. I don’t want that for you either.”

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hmokiguess an hour ago | parent | next [-]

I find you can almost always replace “but” with “and” in situations like those and end up more heard by the other side.

I understand the urge to feel heard AND whenever we bring something that may contrast we risk the disagreement connotation that “but” carries to trigger the recipient’s defensive reaction (even if unconsciously)

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galangalalgol 30 minutes ago | parent | next [-]

Depending on the relationship involved, asking the person why they think I behaved as I did often helps. Sometimes the reason they think I did what I did is more correct than what I would have put after but or and. And sometimes the answer they give shows they are modeling my motivations completely incorrectly.

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Waterluvian an hour ago | parent | prev [-]

First rule of relationships: adhere to the first rule of improv!

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CamperBob2 23 minutes ago | parent [-]

Always leave them wanting more?

	▲	Waterluvian 5 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		Not only that, but avoid asking questions!

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repeekad 2 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

So, you don’t agree with the sentiment?.. /s