Yeah I'm on a similar path myself. Instead of punishment, I connect with my kids first and then make them reflect on their behaviour and what impact it had.

It is very inefficient in the short term! It takes a lot of time and effort in the moment.

But now that mine are 10 and 12, parenting is not much work at all because they've developed skills over the long term that allows them to reflect on their behaviour. As parents we also model good apologies too.

I'm not ideologically opposed to punishment entirely, but it has never really had a place. The closest was when a child stayed out past their curfew and the natural consequence was that it showed they weren't ready for managing their time and we shortened their curfew.

But I do know other parents whose kids genuinely respond much better to very simple and firm commands. A lot of kids would just be confused and frustrated by our family's method of having to reflect on our behaviour verbally so often.

>> make them reflect on their behaviour and what impact it had.

I would not do that. I’d just assume that if they behave in unexpected ways then that means I failed to explain the expectations of myself/society.