I find some of the discomfort and awkwardness of discussing these what-ifs is reduced, at least slightly, when we distinguish between:

1. Restorative justice, where one must fix or heal the problem they caused.

2. Punitive Justice, where one is motivated not to act on bad impulses.

Too often we blur the lines between responsibility and blame and culpability. A given set of consequences can be fair/just for one kind while "unfair" for another.