The journaling seems like the right direction, but it's still too passive.

If there are three mental modes, two out of three are passive. Let's call this third mode "creative mode". Instead of consuming or meditating, do something else offline that requires developing a skill with your undivided attention.

Even when you're inspired, the interpretation is still your own. There's no way it could ever feel like wasted time because the intrinsic value of experience is so much higher than the other two states.

With enough experience, your own unique ideas will dominate your mind. That's when you finally feel in control.