Finally, my insistence on wired Ethernet pays off.

It sounds like you could even get away with a wireless USB dongle, as it’s not part of the computer.

There's so much room for interpretation in there. I share my laptop with the kids, so not personal. My other computer is a tower / htpc / 19" / any other form factor than a desktop. It can only connect to a WLAN (which need not have a gateway to the Internet, who knows). It will not download and run applications by itself unless hacked, certainly not any binaries (lol gentoo) because the user-writable filesystems are noexec.

"Runs an operating system" is about the only one that has its box ticked >99% of the time.