Which slurs are ok, and which aren't?

Great question. It's a vague term and a moving target that not everyone agrees on.

For instance, retarded is now considered a slur. If OP is saying "my director said the R word," then I would question whether OP spared the gory details out of concern for polite company or if they're being oblique in service of their point.

And if managers at Shopify are dropping N-bombs, I want to know that too.