You get robbed and raped at the local park, broken bones riding a bike, permanent disability playing a sport, drown when swimming, disappear on a hike, overdose at a party, “become violent” playing video games, join a cult at a rock concert, rot your brain watching TV, eating disorders from ballet and gymnastics, traumatic brain injury from a trampoline, choke on a marble, fall when rock climbing, crash your car, get Lyme disease camping, get skin cancer playing outside, develop body dysmorphia playing with a Barbie, socially isolated without Facebook, socially dysfunctional with it, and join a gang if you have nothing else to do.

Everything, from “anything” to “literally nothing”, has been marched up on stage as the latest thing that’s a danger to children. All of it is true. Existing is dangerous, and that cannot be legislated away. Parents are supposed to be preparing their children for the dangers that life brings with it, not grinding down the tips of forks.

Having a healthy fear of skateboarding saved more broken bones than knee pads, so maybe parents should help their children understand that their peer isn’t as cool as they look on Instagram… or they get bombarded with it when they pass the minimum Facebook age and we’re back here in a few years raising the social media age to 35.