I find it hard to read, not that because I can't.

A: I enter a bookstore with a strong enthusiasm I am going to buy a book today but end up overwhelmed by the surroundings by of many.

I don't know where to start, none of the main stream, HP, LoTR, Terry Pratchett interest me.

B: My apartment is quiet enough most times but I just can't get comfortable. I tried in-bed, on bed, in a cosy nook and that when I get to a point of about to, something comes along and screams which throws a distraction and I just can't get back.

C: Audio books, I've tried so many yet just can't find any narrators that whisk me off in to the land of illusion.

I am very visual minded and these all sound like lame excuses but as someone who can't fall asleep until 3am or until the city falls asleep, I've just can't knack it.

White noise, pink noise generators too give me no joy; everything is just so loud.

Libraries exist and I am a member to one but if not having to schedule time, I can't seem to get cosy enough to bypass the distractions.

I need total silence otherwise I just can't zone out.

It sounds like you're being overwhelmed by the choices. Some advice that I find useful:

1. Start with anything. You can pick a book at random on the shelf. It doesn't matter if other people think it's "good" unless you're reading as a social hobby.

2. Read the first page. Do you want to keep reading? If not, try something else.

3. Stop reading and find something else if you don't like it after 5/25/50 pages. There's no shame in not finishing a book.

You will eventually find something you like. Make the iteration fast and cheap, don't buy books for this. E-readers help me. Book collecting is a separate hobby with less overlap than you'd think.

If you're finding the books you're picking are too slow or difficult to focus on, try faster literature like YA. It's still reading. There's an emerging genre of Western wuxia called litRPG that's popular with software types, for example.

All of this advice is analogous to working out regularly. Start easy and get yourself into a rhythm. You don't need to do it optimally as a beginner.

I find reading a good way to quiet my brain before sleep because I concentrate on one thing instead of everything. That's also when I'm comfy.

I read short novels that are known to be good. Because I love being done with a book. It also makes bad books bareable.

Maybe a different genre would grip you more? Crime?