> "So I’ll have to buy a license for using my mouse now?"

You'll have to rent a license to use their mouse.

The most baffling thing is that this is not (as I had assumed) about giving agents control of a mouse cursor, instead it's finer-grained text editing skills.

The word mouse has had an established meaning in computing for over half a century, so it seems like an odd term to lay claim to for something so unrelated.