> I own several laptops: they're simply inferior computing devices due to their mediocre screen and pathetic keyboards

This is the kind of problem that can be remedied using a cable and a suitable docking station, anytime you are near the desk.

I think, weirdly, the problem with modern laptops is the opposite - the screens and keyboards (particularly on flagship models) are good enough that 90% of the time you don't need the 38" monitor or the mechanical keyboard. Which leads to them invading spaces far from your desk, like your couch, or your bed...