Why talk to AI though, there are plenty of humans you can reach online if you want to

Many evenings I spend on voice chat with friends around the world, these days

You're right. Because conversations with AI don't force me to deal with boring code, don't scratch my ego, and they flatter me.

On top of that, talking to smart developers in real life is exhausting. Putting aside whether they share my interests, there are too many arrogant people. There's also the embarrassment of being asked, 'You don't even know this?' when they have knowledge I lack. The problem is that while that embarrassment could help me grow, it also leaves scars.

And on top of that, the Korean internet is more toxic than you'd think. Most of the male-dominated communities in my interests are filled with misogyny and derogatory remarks. (You can think of Korean internet communities as having 4chan as their baseline.)

So maybe I just chose AI to stay in a greenhouse.

So I'm not sure. Whether I lack the courage to leave the greenhouse, or whether I'm just genuinely exhausted.

The Korean programming communities just spam programming memes, and most of those are factually wrong. I don't want to bother fighting over them.

Even though I've successfully delivered to 40 different companies, my opinions are always seen as 'unsubstantiated personal views,' while those who come from prestigious companies have their opinions treated as 'insights born from experience.' So it feels like there's no one I can have an equal conversation with.

Ultimately, most relationships seem to require the other person to have something to give me, but I don't have anything to give them in return.

I get along quite well with people in real life. But I have no conversations with them about the things I actually care about. And that's lonely. They all say I'm kind and diligent, but I don't have anyone I can truly open up to.