Quoting literally the last paragraph is not helping to promote this as obviously satire

it was just my favorite part. i can copy/paste all of the outlandish parts, if you want, but i would be copy/pasting the entire article.

ignoring the satire tag at the top of the page, some examples from the first ~20%:

    - its on a personal blog, with no mention of what the actual product is
    - resolving an incident "by treaty"
    - "Severity: Informational → Critical → Withdrawn → Critical → Negotiated"
    - incident *duration* measured in "billable tokens"
    - link to a CVE named "YIKES"
    - an incident being resolved by the attacker reading a file
    - no dates provided, just "Day 1, 02:51 UTC"
    - creats.io doesn't exist