I think if you are in public, you can't expect to be in private. You can try, but it obviously doesn't always work and we are exposed to all types when out of the house.

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jnovek 4 hours ago | parent [-]

This has nothing to do with expectation of privacy. Private setting or public setting, it’s rude to bother people who are busy.

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poncho_romero an hour ago | parent [-]

Some of you are unwell.

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jnovek an hour ago | parent [-]

I am unwell; I have ADHD and if someone interrupts me it takes me a long time to get back on track. It’s very inconsiderate.

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poncho_romero 44 minutes ago | parent | next [-]

That's fair. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

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jnovek 35 minutes ago | parent [-]

The problem is that you don’t know what the person that you randomly chat up is dealing with. You could be doing this kind of thing to anyone.

If I have earbuds in, I’m probably listening to classical music. It helps me self-regulate in busy environments. I’m not listening to podcasts (which everyone assumes now, I guess).

If you interrupt me, I’m going to be polite. You won’t know that you’re causing a problem because I don’t like to be a jerk to strangers. That could be happening every time you talk to a stranger for all you know.

People like to make talking to random strangers seem somehow romantic, but it’s actually just selfish. You’re not interrupting my focus for me, you’re doing it for you.

	▲	brailsafe 21 minutes ago \| parent [-]
		> You’re not interrupting my focus for me, you’re doing it for you. While it may be selfish and pointless, it's the default expectation that in public space people can be spoken to, but it costs something to remove that possibility without also physically isolating oneself in some way. Not all public space is necessarily social, you can be alone in a wooded glen which creates a proximity barrier, but trying to preserve your whole private sphere while being in an otherwise potentially social space removes something from that space. When I deliberately don't want to chat with anyone, I just take a side street or something. Not always possible, but it's rarely worth it; usually work is the semi-public space I'd prefer unbroken focus. I do think it's overblown to make some grand statement about this behavior if it's only an occasional thing, but if the default expectation shifts to people hesitating to talk to people only because they might have headphones in, I think we've lost something.

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brailsafe 30 minutes ago | parent | prev [-]

I also have ADHD, but the onus is not on others to compensate for that; it wouldn't be labelled unless it prevented us from being compatible with the conplexities of daily life unaided by stimulants. People envy the way I can banter with randoms if I want to, but if I don't, I move on, and deliberately have to practice not getting too derailed.