This “Apple customers are brainwashed cultists incapable of examining reality” schtick was tired a decade ago. No option’s perfect. But Apple’s current tradeoffs vs other options’ trade offs continue to feel worthwhile to many.

Maybe it's tired to you. The reason why it's a decade-old shtick is because Apple spent a decade adopting Microsoft-tier design patterns. They push advertisements in the OS and first-party apps, and then refuse to improve the experience with iterative updates. It is an ongoing issue.

> No option’s perfect.

Bullshit. I've used Linux and Windows PCs before, I have not heard a single user want Apple Music to open when they put on their headphones. There is a perfect solution, but you lack the willpower to call Apple out for dark patterns. This should only be an opt-in feature, full-stop.