So no one got it right? Myself, tech outlets, non-tech outlets, everyone on twitter, etc?

That's why I wrote a whole section about it. I was deeply disappointed at how little thought people had appeared to put into this before amplifying the misleading headlines.

For someone who cares about media hype - https://hn.algolia.com/?query=author%3Ahansmayer%20hype&type... - you don't seem to be very discerning with regards to this particular story.