In defense of Dale Carnegie he always said that for this to work, you need first to learn to GENUILY CARE about other people.

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interviewitis 14 days ago | parent [-]

The worst thing about even relatively-good advice of this sort, like Dale's, is that applying it well requires being so good at these kinds of things that you probably didn't need the advice in the first place.

People who've read a couple of these books and are trying to use them are usually transparent, and it hurts way more than it helps. If they weren't inept at applying the advice, they probably wouldn't have needed it. Especially if they're not very young—if they're older and haven't picked up most of that stuff through natural observational skills and curiosity-driven trial-and-error, their odds of reading and practicing their way to significant improvement seem low.

This goes for "nonviolent communication" and similar, too. Trying to use these things if you weren't already a natural just red-flags "I'm trying to manipulate you".

"First, genuinely care" is only a little less useless than "be attractive; don't be unattractive". In practice, most of the folks with a problem in that area aren't going to read the book and do the work on that bit before trying to apply the rest. Those without such a problem, likely don't need the book.

	▲	elzbardico 10 days ago \| parent [-]
		I think it is a generational thing. Those kinds of things can be learned, but they take time. If you try to systematically be more positive on how you see other people, you’ll feel weird at the beginning, but over times it will come as more natural to you. But this was easier in the past, people used to trust more, and be somewhat more naive. Our current generation, jagged by years of manipulative advertising, Nigerian prince scams, SEO, religious and political leaders scandals and so on, it is not so naive anymore, and thus, someone trying too hard can’t escape our detection antennas.