OP seems to disregard the fact that equity in the house is basically a pile of cash you can live inside of. If you're renting you're paying some premium for the landlord to pay their mortgage interest and pay down their own principal. The cash flow is lumpier for ownership (fewer, bigger expenses) and your risk concentration is greater (you're committed to a single asset). But ultimately that stuff is all priced into rent, plus a premium for your landlord to have "passive income".

If you're able to own a rental property in today's economy it feels like you'd have to be stupid to not be able to make above-market returns

The long-term promise of buying a house isn't necessarily "number go up" but "after 25 years you own it outright".