> I am biased towards Perl

This entire article reeks of bias of someone who hasn’t looked at Java since Java 8.

That recent?!? Most criticism of Perl comes from people listening to second-hand rants of someone who hasn't looked at Perl since 2001.

Yes, the article could be improved by the Make magazine advice on submissions that you should write a 3 paragraph summary of your article and then submit that instead. This could have been shaved down to the 4 paras at the end (Prologue) to make the author's point more succinctly.

I think the whole thing is written tongue in cheek, and is trying to be funny.