I strongly resonate with the "i don't remember how or why I ended up here".

I remember my first handheld with a dopamine rush being a Nintendo DS. I clearly remember when I started bringing it to bed with me (I think I was 7, 24 now).

It wasn't clear what was do different, I just remember feeling very numb. It was a great dopamine rush, being able to game while being comfortable in bed.

Fast-forward to now and I'm wondering if I have wasted all these nights on a digital screen. Would I have ended up happier, had I instead chosen not to bring a digital device to bed?

I'm buying a dumb-phone soon, so we'll see.

Yeah I remember sitting in a school lab watching memes for the first time and just laughing so much and for so long, but everytime after the laughing was just a little bit less, that first peak never happened again. I'm much older than you, currently I'm resisting with my own children the pull of having their devices nonstop until they can learn self control, but it's so difficult to explain why I am so mean and won't let them game endlessly. Occasionally I do give in and they experience the numbness I think.

I'm not up to a dumb phone, I try to just set restraints for myself with phone use, but it's really hard.