I should write one of these for Haskell. Huffing abstractions is great for boring, line-of-business applications.

Goroutines? Meh. Software transactional memory and green threads? Heck yeah.

An actual type system? Chef's kiss.

Scott Wlaschin from the F# world has written and talked extensively about F# for "boring" software. It works equally well in Haskell. You don't need to use type-level meta programming to spit out a basic service.

Monads are a great honking idea, btw.

Please don't, at least not mimicking the "edgy 13 year old thinks it comes across as cool" tone.