> I've never liked the way meditation makes me feel

This is common. A true meditation practice brings up a lot of stuff, from general body aches and pains to deep emotional things you may be unconsciously suppressing. With time and persistence, and with the right teacher, it becomes liberating though.

I don't think that's it. I've never been one to shy away from any difficult emotional experiences I have (maybe I'm wrong though who knows)

I just end up feeling emotionally "flat" after doing it. Which sometimes feels like that's the goal, but I don't like the feeling