They are pretty good friends of mine and I never sensed any tension. It really was a marriage-ending bolt out of the blue, like discovering an affair or severe financial infidelity.

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satvikpendem 4 hours ago | parent | next [-]

As an outsider you wouldn't know though.

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throwanem 8 hours ago | parent | prev [-]

I don't really want to say "thank you." That story, more to the point that I can't find a priori cause to doubt it, makes me glad I'm about to go enjoy a gorgeous spring afternoon full of birdsong and sunshine. But I appreciate your taking the time to follow up.

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gopher_space 5 hours ago | parent [-]

I mean the simplest way to look at this is that he's just wrong about the couple being happy.

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throwanem 5 hours ago | parent [-]

I was married for a decade. Little of that was happy. (We both made the mistake of marrying each other, then compounded it by both being afraid to be first to admit to having noticed.)

Everyone noticed - and of course I've seen it from the other side, too, many times. You can't hide when people are together who don't want to be. That always shows.

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lazyasciiart 5 hours ago | parent [-]

This is like saying that of course people could tell Ted Bundy was a psychopath, it always shows.

	▲	throwanem 4 hours ago \| parent [-]
		One might insightfully argue the whole point of the psychopath is precisely that it doesn't show. I recommend Cleckley, whose definition is seminal in The Mask of Sanity, [1] originally 1941 but prefer his 1988 fifth edition especially for its rather disconsolate preface. But even a cursory review of either will trivially show the comparison does not hold. [1] https://gwern.net/doc/psychology/personality/psychopathy/194... - despite the filename, this is the 1988 edition. I like my paper edition (I made my paper edition) but the PDF will serve well enough for your reference here.